Cane Crazy/Transcript

Sprig: Wow, Anne, look at all your cool stuff! What's this? Ah, I get it. Torture device. Anne: That's a toenail clipper. Sprig: Oh, okay, okay, sure. Oh! How about this? What does this do? [muffled] It's painful. [air hissing] Oh, and this. [clicking] Oh, I love this. This is amazing. Anne: You know what? You can keep it. [bell clanging] Hop Pop: Kids! Chow time! Kids: Time to eat! Time to eat! Hop Pop: Hold on, you kids. Hold on. Kids: Time to eat! Anne: Ugh! Uh, you know what? I think I'm gonna pass. Hop Pop: Why? Is my food not good enough for the princess? Anne: Well, if I'm the princess, then you're the king of bad cooking. [chuckles] Sprig: Ohhh! Polly: Oh oh oh! Hop Pop: Oh, yeah? Well, you... I... Anne: What's the matter, Hop Pop? Frog in your throat? Polly: Ohhh! Sprig: Oh, she got you again! Hop Pop: Oh, dang it! You know what? I'm gonna take a nap. I don't believe this. I feed you, I house you, and this is how you repay me? If you don't shape up soon, Anne, I'm throwin' you out!

Anne: Yeesh. What's his problem? I'm Hop Pop, and I cook bad and have a temper problem! [laughing] Sprig: That's so Hop Pop! Anne: Eat your aphids, don't play with them. Elbows off the table! [both laughing] Anne: Sometimes I wonder why I even bother putting up with you at all! [gasp] Anne: Oopsies. Guess I don't know my own strength, right, guys? You guys okay? What's the big deal? It's just one cane. Sprig: That wasn't just any cane. It was Hop Pop's special cane, passed down from his father, Hop Poppity Pop, all the way from his father, Hop-and-Lock-Drop Soppity Pop. Anne: Oh! You guys gotta help me. He's gonna kick me out the second he finds out about this. I cannot go back to living in a cave!

[thunderclap] [insects squeaking]

Anne: Uhhh! The nights were the hardest. Sprig: Don't worry, Anne. We'll do whatever it takes to help you. Polly: Eh, count me out. Sprig: Polly! Polly: What? I hardly know her. Anne: Would you help me for one of these? Polly: [gasps] Candy from another world? Lady, you've got yourself a deal. Anne: Glad to hear it. Now, let's try to save my skin. All: Yeah! Anne: Okay, maybe we can't fix it, but someone else can? Someone good with... wood? Sprig: Anne, you're a genius! We'll just take it to Leopold Loggle, the woodsmith. He loves wood. Almost a little too much.

Loggle: Uh-huh. Oh, oh, yes. Well, aren't you fascinating? Yes, you are. Anne: Can you fix it? Loggle: As a matter of fact, I can... not. Sprig: Huh. Can you make a new one? Loggle: Absolutely... no way. Polly: Do you have one we could buy? Loggle: Of course I do... n't. I don't. Anne: Why do you keep doing that? Loggle: Old smithing accident. You don't want to know. Anne: Uh, okay, so-- Loggle: Tripped on an anvil. Landed neck-first on a metal pipe. Pierced my voice box clean through! Polly: Blegh! Anne: Dude, come on! Sprig: Cool. Loggle: Switched over to wood after that. Anyhow, I'm afraid I can't do much for you. That cane was made with wood from the incredibly rare, extremely dangerous Doom Tree! [all gasp] Loggle: Few have made it to the Doom Tree alive, fewer yet returned. It holds many secrets that mortals dare not-- Anne: Dude, it's a tree. Just tell us where it is. Sprig: Yeah, Loggle, cut the chitchat! Polly: You're bald! Loggle: Okay, okay. I got a map to the Doom Tree right here, but it'll cost ya. Anne: Click. Loggle: Or you could do that for free. Anne: Come on, guys. We gotta hurry. Hop Pop could wake up at any second! Both: Right! Loggle: Be careful, you kids. It's cursed, I tell ya. Cursed! Anne: To the Doom Tree, everyone. Polly: Whoo-hoo! Sprig: Yeah! Whoa, Loggle. We gotta talk about this, man. We're comin' back. We're gonna talk about this. All right, good-bye.

[beeping] [tires screech] [beeping continues] [bird screeches]

Anne: [grunting] Hold up. We're here. Now, that is an ugly tree. Sprig: Just one of Mother Nature's horrible mistakes. Polly: [chuckles] Frogs died here. Anne: Look. That branch is perfect. [grunting] Polly: You people and your legs. Anne: [grunting] Sprig: [spitting] Anne: Careful. The tree is cursed. Pfft! [laughs] Sprig: [laughs] Anne: Okay, seriously though, on three. One, two... [shrieking] Anne: Uh, did the tree just scream? [Doom Tree roars] Sprig: Whoa, whoa, whoa! [grunts] [roars] [roaring] Sprig: Oh, hey, it's maple. Anne: Run! [all screaming] [shrieking] Anne: That thing is not a tree. It's some kind of grody bug! Sprig: A bug that wants to kill us! Polly: Less talky-talky, more runny-runny! [roaring] Sprig: [grunting] Whoa! [grunts] Waaah! [shrieking] [groaning] Anne: [screaming] [grunting, panting] [shrieking]

Loggle: [sighs] Well, Loggle, another day, another step closer to bankrupt-- Eh? [Anne shouts] [roaring] Loggle: What the-- What's going on? Anne: Don't ask questions! [all scream] [Doom Tree roars] [all screaming] Anne: What's it gonna take to get rid of this thing? [grunts] [shrieking] Anne: [grunting] [bell rings] Anne: Oh, this is nice. [grunts] Leopold Loggle: That took 20 years to carve. [shrieks] [puzzled shriek] Polly: Yah! Yah yah yah yah yah! And that! And that! Hi-yah! Anne: [grunts] Charge! Sprig: Charge! [squealing] Sprig: I'm gonna sand your face! Polly: Phew. Anne: Termites! Why would a woodsmith have termites? Loggle: I'm a complicated man! Anne: Incoming! [squeals] [grunts] Polly: Uh... Sprig: Cool. Anne: This world is messed up. [whimpering] Anne: Up top! Sprig: We did it! Polly: That was awesome, you guys! Anne: Now, let's get this cane back to Hop Pop. Loggle: Give me that! Anne: Hey! Polly: What gives, Loggle? Loggle: I'll tell you what gives. This doesn't even begin to cover the damages you've caused to my shop. You're gonna have to give me something else. Come on. Pony up. Sprig: [sigh] Will this work? Loggle: What? What is this, uh... [clicking] Loggle: Oh. [clicking] Oh! I like this. You can go. Sprig: Sorry, Anne. After all we worked for too. Anne: It's okay. We'd better head home. Hop Pop's probably already awake and furious. Polly: Probably a bad time to bring this up, but I still get the candy, right?

Hop Pop: [yawns] Whoa, boy. I needed that. Hope nothing happened while I was asleep to make me mad again. Oh, no. What did you do? Sprig: What's up with canes? Who even needs them these days, am I right? Ow. [sighs] Anne: I'm really sorry, Hop Pop. I was goofing around, and I broke your favorite cane. Hop Pop: You what? Anne: I know, I know. I'll show myself out. Sprig: We'll come visit you, Anne. We promise. Polly: [crying] And just when I was starting to like you! Anne: Don't make this harder than it is. [kids bawling] Hop Pop: What the-- What's going on? You're throwing me out. Anne: You know, like you said you would. Hop Pop: [sighs] Mmm. Anne, truth be told, I was never gonna throw you out. I was just talking tough so that you'd show me a little bit more respect. Anne: That's kinda messed up, man. Hop Pop: Heh heh heh. [inhales] Yeah. I probably was a little bit too harsh. But I only did it because you remind me of myself when I was your age. Rough around the edges. Now, put that bag down, young lady. You're not going anywhere. Sprig: Whoo! Yeah! I like that. Polly: Yeah! I wasn't worried. Anne: Thanks, Hop Pop. So you're not mad about the cane? Hop Pop: Oh, I'm furious about the cane. You're on dish duty for a month! Anne: Ugh. Yes, sir! Hop Pop: Now that that's settled, I wrote a long list of comebacks to get you back for this morning. [clears throat] "Hey, Anne, is that your hair, or is it a dandelion?" Ha. [sniffles] Uh-- Oh. Are those long, lanky limbs, Anne, or are those, uh, twigs? Ah! [chuckles] Eh... Sprig: [coughs] Hop Pop: The moment has passed, hasn't it?