Swamp and Sensibility/Transcript

(The episode begins with the fwagon, being driven by Hop Pop, passing through a valley, while Sprig and Anne are inside watching a series on Anne's cell phone.)

Mariah: ''Don't you get it, Mother? I know you want me to be a ballerina, but my heart belongs to hip‐hop. Are you disappointed?''

Mariah's Mother: ''No, I'm proud of you. All that hipping and hopping was breathtaking.''

Mariah: Oh, Mother.

Mariah's Mother: Oh, Mariah.

*Anne crying*

Anne: And that is the masterpiece, From Pointe to Poppin.

Sprig: Talk about an emotional roller coaster‐‐

(The fwagon stops abruptly and Sprig falls.)

Sprig: Whoa!

Anne: Sprig! You all right, buddy? What the heck is going on out there?

Hop Pop: Come on, Bessie. Come on.

Bessie: *chirps*

Hop Pop: Almost there.

Bessie: *chirps*

(Bessie's reins break.)

*all gasp*

Hop Pop: Oh, dang it! The ding‐dang reins snapped.

*sheepbug bleats*

Bessie: (sees a sheep) *chirps* (goes to the sheep)

Sheep: *bleats*

(The sheep runs, being chased by Bessie.)

Hop Pop: *screams* We gotta get these reins fixed or we can't control Bessie.

Sprig: Don't worry, Hop Pop. There's a town right down the road. See? Ribbitvale.

Hop Pop: Ribbitvale? The most expensive town in all Amphibia? No way!

*all scream*

Anne: Looks like we don't have a choice, HP.

Bessie: *purrs*

Sheep: *bleats*

Hop Pop: *sighs* You're right. But when we get there, don't get sucked in by the fancy.

(They take the fwagon to the entrance of the city.)

*all sigh*

Polly: Guys, look.

(They see a lot of fancy buildings around them.)

Polly: So shiny. So sparkly. *screams*

Hop Pop: Hey! Hey! I said look away from the fancy.

Sprig: It's like nothing I've ever seen before. A ten‐tier fountain. A solid gold snail carriage. There's even a One‐Eyed Wally. Wait. What?

All: One‐Eyed Wally?

Anne: You didn't tell me you were leaving the valley, you scamp.

Wally: Oh, um‐‐

Wigbert: Walliam, you know these pungent common folk, do you?

Wally: Uh, yes, Father. I met them on my business travels.

Wigbert: These must be your servants from Wartwood then.

Hop Pop: Servants?

Wally: Yes. That's right, Father. These are my servants. *groans*

Wigbert: (referring to Anne) And this must be some kind of exotic beast you tamed. Though I sooner would have had it stuffed.

Anne: *grunts*

Wigbert: *laughs* Anyhow, I am Wigbert Ribbiton.

Hop Pop: Ribbiton? As in Ribbiton's Ribbons? The finest web crusty floss in all of Amphibia?

Wigbert: That's us. And when I retire, Walliam here will be head of the Ribbiton family empire. Right, Walliam?

Wally: Right, Father. Can't wait for that. *sighs*

Anne: Hmm.

Wigbert: Hello. Looks like someone needs repairs. My mechanics will make her right as rain in no time.

Mechanics: Hup, hup, hup, hup.

Hop Pop: Oh, mighty kind of ya.

Wigbert: You'll be joining us back at the mansion, of course?

All: Mansion?

Wally: Oh, no. They couldn't‐‐

All: Oh, yes, we could.

(The door to the mansion opens.)

Wigbert: Here we are.

(They walk towards the entrance of the mansion.)

Wigbert: Some of my prizewinning birds. Ever seen a frog torn in half by a peacock? Grizzly stuff.

*peacock shrieks*

(Inside the mansion.)

Wigbert: It's, uh, one of our smaller rooms but please enjoy.

(The plantar and Anne enter Wally's bedroom.)

Anne: What the heck, Wally?

*all gasp*

Hop Pop: This place is magnificent.

Anne: What happened to "Look away from the fancy?"

Hop Pop: It don't count if ya don't have to pay for it.

Sprig: Hey, let's go explore.

Hop Pop: Okay.

*all laugh*

Anne: So... Walliam, what's going on here? I thought you were a fun‐loving tramp, not some little rich boy.

Wally: The truth is I live like a bum in Wartwood because... Well, it's what I love. This life may look nice but there's so many rules. And if my family knew the real me, well, they'd disown me for sure.

Anne: Just be honest with them. Tell them the truth and I know they'll support you. Just like my favorite movie From Pointe to Poppin'.

Wally: *grunts* (pulls his accordion out of a hole in the floor) It's just too risky, Anne. I have to hide these around the house, or I'd lose my mind.

Anne: What about that time you told me not to care what people think about you?

Wally: This is different. This is my family we're talking about.

Anne: I still think you should be honest with them. I mean, what do you have to lose?

Wally: Well, come with me and I'll show you. (walks and bumps into the wall) Meant to do that.

Anne: Yeah, yeah. Of course.

(The Plantars are walking down the hallway.)

Polly: Welp, we're lost. Probably gonna be stuck here forever.

Sprig: Oh, I know. Let's just open some doors at random. One of them's gotta be an exit.

(They open a door and see that in the room there are several frogs taking a steam bath.)

Frog: *groaning*

Hop Pop: Sorry, we're just‐‐ Carry on. (closes the door)

(They open another door.)

*all gasp*

(In the room there's some broken furniture and there's three frogs hitting a chair with bats.)

Female Frog: (kicking the chair to pieces) Hi‐ya!

(They close the door.)

(They open another door. In the room there are several peacocks.)

Peacock: *shrieks*

(One of the peacocks turns and turns out to be a frog in disguise.)

Frog: Shh.

All: *sigh* (leaves)

(Anne and Wally enter a stable.)

* horse whinnies*

Wally: So much of my past is here. It would break my heart to leave it all behind. (opens one of the doors)

Beetle: *chirps*

Wally: Meet Fiddle Leaf. I've been riding her since I was a wee tadpole.

Anne: Aw. (sees a picture of Wally and his beetle from years ago then see Wally with his Beetle) Ugh. Well, if you're not gonna tell 'em, what are you gonna do?

Wally: Maybe if they could see how happy I was living in Wartwood, they'd understand and accept me for who I am. *groans* Who am I kidding. Well, I better go get ready for dinner.

Anne: Right. Dinner.

(Wally leaves. The plantars come in.)

Anne: Hey, where you guys been?

Sprig & Hop Pop: Around.

Polly: Rich people are messed up.

Anne: Dude, I've just spent the last hour talking with Wally about how miserable he is. Well, tonight I'm gonna help him come clean.

Sprig: Oof. Are you sure meddling is a good idea?

Anne: Pfft. It's not meddling. It's the right thing to do because it happened in a movie. And movies are never wrong.

Sprig: Okay.

(Later, in the dining room.)

*chattering*

Frog: I hear the market has really taken off.

Wigbert: *clears throat* A toast to Walliam's valet. *shrieks*

*all shriek*

Anne: *clears throat* Great segue. To thank you Ribbitons for your hospitality, I have prepared a special presentation.

Frog: It talks. Oh, capital.

Anne: Gonna ignore that. Now, please enjoy this video of Wally's life in Wartwood. Edited by me. (plays a video on her cell phone)

Wally: Wait. What?

*beeps*

(First is seen Wally playing the accordion.)

Wally: ♪ Oh, I'm a vagrant With a heart of gold ♪ (falls) Aw. Whoop.

*cat yowls*

(There's another video where Wally's in a chicken coop with some chickens.)

Anne: Wally.

Wally: What can I say? I sleep better with company.

(Another video is seen where Wally is bathing in a pool.)

Wally: ♪ La la la la laa La la laa ♪

*whistle blows*

Wally: Ooh. Gotta go. *laughs* (falls)

Cops: Oy, oy, oy!

(The cops beat up Wally.)

(The video ends.)

Anne: Cue emotional acceptance.

Wigbert: *clears throat* Walliam! That is how you've been acting outside of Ribbitvale? Unacceptable. You have brought shame onto the house of Ribbiton. Worse. You've been lying to us.

Wally: I‐I only lied because I didn't think you'd accept the real me.

Wigbert: Well, you weren't wrong. We do not accept this. You are henceforth forbidden to leave this town.

Wally: *gasps* Then you leave me no choice.

(Wally takes off his ribbon, rolls it up on a fork and spins it around the table.)

*screams*

*gasps*

(The fork hits a gong.)

Anne: What? What does that mean?

Sprig: Family challenge.

Hop Pop: Come on, Anne. You've been here long enough.

Wally: If my family won't accept me for who I truly am, then I don't want to be a Ribbiton anymore. I challenge you to a winner‐takes‐all duel.

Wigbert: Very well. One‐on‐one Beast Polo. You win, you can leave Ribbitvale and live however you like. You lose, you take over the family business and stay in Ribbitvale forever.

Frog: *gasps*

Wally: I accept.

Anne: *groans* Kinda went off script there.

(In the hallways.)

Wally: Why did you do that?

Anne: You told me this is what you wanted. You said, "I wish I could see me in Wartwood."

Wally: But I didn't actually mean it.

Anne: Look, I just wanted to help you be proud of who you are. A poppin' lockin' fresh don't stoppin' hip‐hop B‐girl.

Wally: A what?

Anne: Never mind. What can I do to fix this?

Wally: You know what Anne, you've done enough already. I've got to face the music on my own. (leaves, playing the accordion)

*music plays*

Anne: Ugh.

(At the polo field.)

Crumpet: Hi‐ho, Crumpet the Frog here, and welcome to the official Ribbiton family challenge. A ribbiting game of Beast Polo. Hey, see what I did there? Ribbiting, riveting? Because we're frogs?

Hop Pop: Well, this guy's quite the character.

Crumpet: Okay. Here comes the ball now!

Polly: I don't see any‐‐

(Wally's dad takes off his fake eye and puts it on a pad.)

All: *gasps*

Crumpet: *groans* And now the players will pick their beasts.

Wigbert: I choose Andromeda.

Beetle: *grunts*

Wally: And I choose Fiddle Leaf.

Beetle: *chirps*

Wigbert: Not so fast. Fiddle Leaf is a Ribbiton family beast. Since you no longer wish to be a Ribbiton, you can't ride any of them.

Wally: Well, then what am I supposed to ride?

Anne: I'll be your beast!

Wigbert: What in heavens?!

Wally: Anne?

Anne: Look. If you're gonna go down, you might as well go down fighting. Plus, I got you into this. At least let me try to get you out.

Wally: All right. You know how to do this?

Anne: No, but I'll figure it out.

Wally: Well, here. Put this bit in your mouth. (gives Anne a rein)

Anne: Not happening, bud.

Crumpet: Okay, fellas. Let's keep this game cool and friendly‐like. Three, two, one. Ee‐eee!

Wigbert: Hiya!

*nickers*

Wigbert: Hiyah!

Crumpet: Crump Sir Ribbiton has scored the first goal.

*crowd cheering*

Wally: Turns out dad's still got it. We might be in trouble.

Anne: Well, then come on. Let's step up our game and demolish this old man.

Wally: Steady. He's still my dad.

Anne: Sorry, I'm just so competitive.

(The ball is put on the field.)

Anne: Ready?

Wally: Ready.

*whistle blows*

Crumpet: That beast may be small, but it sure is agile. A goal for Walliam.

Wigbert: *grunts*

*crowd cheering*

(It's seen moments in the game where sometimes Anny and Wally score, and other times Wally's dad does.)

Crumpet: All right, folks. This is it. Next goal wins.

(Anne with Wally and Wally's dad run in the field, but Anne stumbles.)

Anne: (falls) *grunts*

Wigbert: *laughs*

Wally: Oh, no!

Wigbert: (throws the ball) *grunts*

(The ball bounces off a goalpost.)

* Andromeda whinnies*

Wigbert: *grunts*

Wally: Ah. He missed.

Anne: Second wind.

Wally: Come on, Anne. We're so close.

Anne: He's too fast. We'll never make it.

Wally: That's what you think. (pulls his accordion out of Anne's hair)

Anne: Wally, how long has that been there?

Wally: *chuckles* A season at least.

(Wally uses his accordion to hit the ball before his dad gets it.)

Wigbert: *gasps*

Crumpet: Goal! Walliam wins.

*crowd cheering*

Hop Pop: Ooh. They won!

Anne & Wally: We did it!

Wally: I can finally be myself.

Hop Pop: Can't be yourself without your signature hat.

Wigbert: Ow! *clears throat* Well, son, I concede defeat. I suppose this means goodbye forever. *sobs*

Wally: I don't want to leave forever. I just want to be able to be me, wherever I am. (hugs his dad)

Wigbert: You mean you still want to be a Ribbiton?

Wally: Of course, I do. But you have to accept me for who I am. Both Walliam and Wally.

Wigbert: I suppose we can do that. Ah, accordion, eh? You know, I used to love playing the jug, but I gave it up a long, long time ago. Oh, all right. You got me. *grunts* (reveals a hole in the field where he was hiding jugs)

Wally: You've been holding out on me.

Crumpet: Aw. Isn't this great? I just love happy endings. What do you say? How about a song? Always works for me.

Wigbert: I don't see why not.

Wally: Thanks, Anne, for everything. Well, not everything.

Anne: Don't mention it.

Wally: Hit it, Pops.

(Wally and his dad start playing.)

(A peacock appears.)

Peacock: *shrieks*

*all scream*