Lily Pad Thai/Transcript

Anne: There you go. Now you're getting it.

Hop Pop: Anne, wanna chop us some veggies for me?

Anne: You got it, HP.

[grunting]

Hop Pop: Wow, where'd you learn to cut like that?

Anne: You know, my parents actually owned a Thai restaurant back home. Ah, whoops. Hold on. I used to work there all the time and help out. I hope they're doing okay without me.

Hop Pop: Well, how about that. A restaurant.

Polly: Pretty impressive, Anne.

[explosion]

Sprig: Yep, I blew up the pizza.

Hop Pop: Oh, dang it, Sprig. Well, looks like this meal's a bust. Who wants to eat out?

Anne: Oh, wow. This place is not to code.

Anne: Oh, man. The font on these menus is way too small. Rookie mistake.

Stumpy: Here you are. Four bowls of slop. Enjoy. Or don't. Makes no difference to me.

Sprig: Thanks, Stumpy.

Albus Duckweed: Excuse me, hello. Over here. Yoo hoo!

Stumpy: There be a problem, sir?

Duckweed: Um, yes, there's only one fly in my soup. There should be dozens. I mean, how hard is it to run a restaurant, anyway? You just put food on tables. A tadpole can do it.

Anne: [groans] Who's that jerk? And why won't he shut up?

Sprig: That is Albus Duckweed. He writes reviews for the paper. They have comic strips sometimes.

Polly: Blah! He thinks he's better than everyone else just 'cause he talk good.

Hop Pop: It's true.

Anne: [groans] A foodie. Say no more. We dealt with snobs like him all the time back home. Just listening to him is driving me crazy. [groans] I can't take this anymore.

Hop Pop: Anne, just ignore it and enjoy your slug gruel. Anne?

Duckweed: I mean, seriously, look at this place.

Anne: Hey. Lay off, buddy. Running a restaurant is hard.

Stumpy: Kid, what are you doing?

Duckweed: Ha! Well, what does a creature like you know about running a restaurant?

Anne: Well, what does a little lizard like you know about anything? Besides, my parents ran a restaurant back home, so I know what I'm talking about.

Duckweed: Well, if your parents are anything like you, I'm sure their restaurant was terrible.

Anne: Oh, yeah? Well tell you what, then. Why don't you come back in, I don't know, two days or something? And we'll have completely turned this place around.

Stumpy: I, uh, I beg your pardon. What?

Duckweed: Oh, a wager is it? Fine, I'll be back in two days. Looking forward to writing my review and shutting this place down.

Stumpy: Kid, what have you done? That was the most popular critic in town. One bad review from him and we're finished.

Anne: Stumpy, I know I got carried away, but we can do this. The Boonchuy family pride is at stake. What do you say?

Stumpy: I say...you just put me out of business. Bound to happen eventually, I suppose.

Hop Pop: Anne, did you just promise to save this restaurant?

Sprig: In two days?

Polly: By yourself?

Anne: Yep. That's, uh, that's pretty much what just happened. Uh, me and my big mouth.

[Stumpy humming]

Stumpy: Dang mushroom needs replacing. Not that it matters anymore. [exclaims] Mother of pearl!

Anne: Hey, Stumpy!

Stumpy: How long you been here?

Anne: All night. Couldn't sleep, too excited! So, you ready to beat that critic?

Stumpy: [scoffs] Creepy kid.

Anne: What do you wanna start with? Change the menu, redecorate...Burn this place to the ground and start over?

Stumpy: Look, kid, you're on your own. Do whatever you want. It's not gonna make a difference in the end, anyway.

Anne: [laughs] Oh. That is where you're wrong.

Anne(cleaning): Pow! Ha-cha! Ha!

(Hits Wally in the face with mop)

Wally: Oh, what day is it?

[grunting]

[Stumpy groans]

[growling]

[screams]

[growls]

Stumpy: [laughs] I knew about that garbage lizard.

[sighs]

[shouting]

Stumpy: [Stumpy laughs] Nice shot. Direct hit! You got it. Whoo!

Anne: Thanks.

Stumpy: One at a time.

Stumpy: I gotta hand it to you, Anne. This place looks great. We even scrubbed the Wally out.

Wally: That's what you think! [laughs]

[crashing]

Stumpy: The critic is gonna be blown away.

Anne: Blown away? Ha! No. All we've done is mop the floors and clean some dishes. This place is still a house of broken dreams.

Stumpy: Harsh, but on point.

Anne: If we're gonna impress that critic, we've got a lot more work to do. We need a complete and total transformation.

Stumpy: What do you mean? Like placemats?

Anne: Bigger.

Stumpy: Oh. I'm gonna need me hammer hand for this.

[whirring, hammering]

(The next day)

Mrs. Croaker: What are you all looking at?

[crowd chattering]

Villager: Stumpy's changed overnight.

Villager: Wow, look over there.

Villager: It's so exotic.

Villager: Oh, my goodness.

Anne: Sawatdee kha. And welcome to Stumpy's, Wartwood's first frog-Thai fusion restaurant, now with napkins.

[crowd chattering]

Villager: Napkins? What are those?

Anne: Need a refill of fly ice tea? On the house, sweetie.

Anne: Order up. Enjoy!

Villager: Mmm.

Villager: That's good.  Mrs. Croaker: I'll take the maggot larb. Did I say that right? Larb?

Anne: It's actually pronounced "laap."

Mrs. Croaker: Well, how about that? One foot in the grave and still learning new things.

Stumpy: I've never seen this place so packed. What-- What's this weird feeling in me chest?

Anne: That is called hope. I think we might actually pull this off, dude.

Anne: Please. Please stop ringing that bell.

Sprig: Anne, this place is amazing.

Hop Pop: You weren't kidding when you said you were good at this.

Anne: Oh, yeah! Score one for Anne.

Hop Pop: So, table for three.

Anne: Ooh, sorry guys. All the tables are full.

(Frog clears his throat loudly, unzips costume to reveal Albus Duckweed.)

Duckweed: They can have my table. I am done here.

Anne: [gasps] It's...

Stumpy: Duckweed! He's here!

Mrs. Croaker: I have another question.

Stumpy: Thanks for coming.

Anne: Okay, great, see ya.

Anne: Duckweed...What's with the disguise?

Duckweed: Oh, this? It's kind of a critic thing.

Anne: Really?

Duckweed: Uh-huh. It's to guarantee that we get a genuine experience, you know?

Anne: Oh, interesting.

Duckweed: If you knew it was me, you'd probably zhuzh it up a bit, make it a little bit better. But in a disguise, you're just gonna serve me like anyone else.

Anne: Oh, that's actually really clever.

Duckweed: Thank you!

Anne: So, did you like the food?

Duckweed: Oh, right... No! I found the experience had no cohesion, like one thing was clumsily grafted on top of another. And when I publish my review, your restaurant will be ruined. [laughs] I love my job.

Anne: Will you, uh... Will you give us a moment? Stay right there!

Stumpy: That's it. It's over. We're finished! The second that review goes up, this restaurant goes down.

Anne: [grunts] Pull yourself together, man. We can do this. It's time to bring out the big guns. My parents' squid and basil special. No critic in town could resist.

Stumpy: Okay. (Anne smacks him.) I already said okay!

Anne: Sorry, sorry. I am amped!

Anne: Hey, we've got a special dinner just for you. Be right back. Don't go anywhere.

Duckweed: Amusing. All right, I'll play your little game.

Hop Pop: So...this mean we can't have your table?

Anne: Man, squid are huge here.

Stumpy: It's not a squid. It's a kraken.

Anne: Eh, potato, tomato. [grunts] Make way, coming through. All right, dude. Get ready to be blown away.

Duckweed: Oh, my...What an exotic selection.

[squid growling]

[Duckweed screams]

[roaring]

Polly: Assassinating your critics, I love it.

[roaring]

Anne: Okay, this is a disaster. I never should have made this dumb wager.

Stumpy: Anne, calm down. Maybe we can't save the restaurant, but we sure can save those people's lives. What do you say?

Anne: I say...let's crush this calamari. [gasps] I've got an idea.

[exclaims]

[squid roars]

[all screaming]

[yells]

Stumpy: Mm... Oh, that's good.

Anne: Stumpy! The lemon!

Stumpy: Coming right up!

Anne: Pad See Ew, you later.

[squid screeches]

Sprig: Yeah, I don't think this thing's getting back up.

All: Phew.

Anne: So, Duckweed. Guess you got a bad review to write, huh?

Duckweed: Bad...Bad? That was incredible! A food that tries to eat you? The irony, the ecstasy! I simply must tell everyone. To the message board!

Sprig: You go, girl!

Polly: Go, Anne!

Hop Pop: She lives in my basement.

Anne: Wait, you guys have a message board?

Sprig: Sure do. It's a literal board.

Anne: Well, guess we better clean this place up. Again. Stumpy, I'm sorry about all this. I took things way too far.

Stumpy: No way, Anne. This whole thing was a big success. You even convinced this old grump to actually care. If your parents could see this, I'm sure they'd be proud.

Anne: Thanks, Stumpy. Put her there. Oh, this feels nice. What is this? Oak? Mahogany?

Stumpy: It's carved from the bones of me missing hand.

Anne: Oh, come on!