A Night at the Inn/Transcript

(Anne and the Plantars are looking at the mountain pass out of the valley, which is blocked with a giant wall of ice.)

Hop Pop: Well, Anne, I don't wanna say I told you so.

Anne: Yes, you do.

Hop Pop: Okay, you're right. I told you so. [chuckles] Still gonna be a few weeks before that snowpack melts.

Anne: [groans] But I've waited so long. And getting out of this valley might help me find answers on how to get home.

Sprig: I know it stinks, but how about some careless misadventuring to take your mind off it? I think there's a creepy lagoon nearby.

Anne: Ooh! Think we'll find some bloated remains?

Sprig: Here's hoping.

(Both giggle and run off.)

Polly: And while they're doing that, I'm gonna check out this scary forest.

Hop Pop: Oh, no, you don't. Not by yourself.

Polly: [groans] But why not?

Hop Pop: 'Cause you're a pollywog. You're too young to go off on your own.

Polly: But the other kids did.

[creature screeching]

Anne and Sprig(reappearing suddenly): Go, go, go, go!

(Everyone jumps onto the wagon.)

Hop Pop: Hyah!

Anne: Whew! Who knew leeches could run so fast?

Sprig: Or had legs?

Anne: Glad I got to see them, though.

Sprig: Truly a once in a lifetime experience.

Polly: [moans]

Bessie: [sputters]

All: [gasp]

[sputters]

Hop Pop: Oh, shoot. Snail trouble, everyone.Snail trouble.

Sprig: Hmm. Stranded, eh? Well, couldn't have picked a nicer day.

(It immediatly starts raining. Everyone glares at Sprig.)

Hop Pop: Whoa. Dang it. It's too darn muddy for me to squeeze under Bessie to see what's the trouble.

Polly: Hey, I can fit under Bessie.

Hop Pop: No, you stay up there where it's safe.

Polly: [huffs]

Anne: Hey, look. There's a bed and breakfast just down the road.

Hop Pop: Forget it. We ain't spending coppers on lodging when we've got a perfectly fine tent--

[wind blows]

(The tent blows away and gets destroyed by a thunderclap.)

Hop Pop: All right, B&B it is. But no extras. Hang tight, Bessie. We'll find you a comfy place to rest in a jiffy.

Bessie: [purrs]

(They run to the inn and go inside.)

Hop Pop: Wow.

All: [gasp]

Sprig: Look at this place. So cozy.

[bell dings]

Teddy: Oh, hey there. Welcome to the Dandy Lion B&B. I'm Teddy. This is my wife, Martha.

Martha: Please, warm yourselves by the fire.

Hop Pop: Oh, well, that sounds nice.

Anne: Yes, please. Wow, haven't come across a species like you before.

Martha: Same to you, dearie. We're horned bullfrogs.

Hop Pop: Oh, so not from around these parts?

Teddy: Yeah, we traveled here a long time ago and just, you know, [chuckles] fell in love with the area. Isn't that right, sweetie?

Martha: Oh, we sure did.

Teddy: So. I take it you'll be needing some rooms?

Hop Pop: Just one, please. We'll all pile in.

Teddy: Oh, no need. We only have a couple of guests tonight, so the inn is mostly empty.

Martha: We'll make you a deal. Four rooms for the price of one. What do you say?

[all cheering]

Sprig: Heck yeah!

Polly: Score!

Hop Pop: Thanks. But we only need three. Polly here'll be bunking with me.

Polly: What? Aw, Hop Pop!

Martha: Here's some fresh cookies.

Sprig: Mmm!

Teddy: And we'll go put your snail in the barn.

Hop Pop: Thank you.

Anne: Hey! Watch it.

Sprig: Mine!

Hop Pop: Get your hands off my cookies.

Polly: [groans]

(Hop Pop carries Polly to their room. They pass Anne and Sprig in their own rooms on the way there.)

Hop Pop: [yawns]

[music playing on stereo]

Anne: Whoo! Happiness, thy name is solitude.

Sprig: Freedom! And check it out. A laundry chute! [laughing]

Polly: This is so not fair. I want my own room!

Hop Pop: Sorry, kiddo. But you're just too young for that. But you can have as many cookies as you want.

Polly: I don't want your pity cookies.

Hop Pop: No? Well, then how about a pity early bedtime?

Polly: But I'm not tired.

Hop Pop: Yep, but I am. One room, one bedtime. Lights out in five minutes.

Polly: [sighs] [gasps] Hop Pop, look. There's another room connected to this one. Can I stay in here?

Hop Pop: Well...

Polly: I'll leave the door open. And I'll go straight to bed. Pretty, pretty please?

Hop Pop: [groans] Okay, fine.

Polly: Whoo! Yeah! Thanks, Hop Pop. You're the best.

Hop Pop: But this door stays open. And no jumping about. Straight to bed.

Polly: Absolutely.

Hop Pop: Now, I'm right here if you need me.

Polly: Got it. Three, two, one.

(Hop Pop falls onto his bed snoring. Polly slams the door.)

Polly: Finally! Independence. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [laughs] Whoo! Yeah! [chuckles] Hyah! [sighs] Time to snuggle up in my own bed. (She turns off the light.)

[creaking]

Polly: What's that?

[thunderclap]

[gasps]

Polly: Okay, it's a little creepy, but nothing I can't handle--[squeaks]

(In the corner, a giant skeleton looks at Polly. She screams and turns the light on, and the skeleton turns out to be an assortment of random items.)

Polly: [laughs nervously] All right, just a bowling ball, a mop, and other assorted items oddly arranged in the corner.

[creaking]

Polly: You know, I'm not really tired. I should go see what Anne and Sprig are up to.

(She bursts into Anne's room.)

Polly: Hey, girlfriend! Huh, not here. Weird. Anne doesn't go anywhere without her phone. Well, let's go see what Sprig is up to.

(She goes into Sprig's room.)

Polly: Hey-o! Where's the party at? Huh. Sprig's not here either. It's fine. Totally fine. They're probably just somewhere else. And now to calmly head back to my own room.

(She pants as she gets to her room as fast as she can, then looks at the door connecting her room to Hop Pop's.)

Polly: [grunts] No, Polly. Resist. You go crawling back to Hop Pop now and you'll never be left on your own again. It'll be fine. You'll be fine.

[creaking]

[owl hoots]

Polly: Hop Pop! I don't wanna be on my own. Sprig and Anne are missing and I'm scared. I don't wanna--

[door creaks]

Martha: [evil laughter] I've been looking all over for you.

Polly: [screams]

Martha: Ha! Huh? [laughs]

[roars]

[panting]

[whimpers]

[creaking]

Martha: Huh? [roars]

Polly: [yells]

[screams]

[grunting]

[groaning]

(Polly jumps down the laundry chute. At the bottom, she sees Teddy and two other bullfrogs through the grate with four cards in front of them.)

Teddy: All right, time to pick a card. Juliet, I think you went first last time, so, Juniper, you go first.

Juniper: Ooh. Looks like I've got the geezer. Aged to perfection. Juliet?

Juliet: I got the tall one. Talk about your drumsticks.

Teddy: Well, I guess I'll just have to be happy with the boy. Cook time will be much shorter. Delicious.

Polly: [gasps] They're cannibals.

Martha(coming in): Ooh. The little one got away. Must not have eaten any of my cookies. Were they not sweet enough? Did I goof the recipe? Oh, dearie me.

Teddy: Oh, come on, Martha. No one makes a slumberdoodle better than you, and you know that.

Juniper: All right, you love birds, that's enough.

Juliet: Yeah, we're hungry.

(They tie Anne, Sprig and Hop Pop to a stick and start rotating them over the fire. All three are unconcious.)

Juniper: Mmm, delectable.

Hop Pop: [snores]

Polly: That's my family!

Teddy: Well, let me just go get the marinade ready and--

Polly: Hyah! Marinate this, you cannibals!

Teddy: Ah!

Polly: Hyah!

[grunting]

Polly: Rise and shine, fam. (She smacks each of them.)

Hop Pop: Huh? Wha-- What's goin' on?

Anne: [grunts] Five more minutes.

Sprig: Hi, Polly.

Polly: Hey. We gotta get out of here.

Martha: Oh, dear. You're in way over your head, sweetie.

Teddy: Yeah, what can a legless little tadpole like you do to stop us?

[cackling]

Polly: You're right. I am just a little tadpole, and I'm not ready to be alone!

Teddy: My marinade!

[all gasp, groan]

Polly: All right, time to get a move on, fam. [grunts]

Teddy: Now, just hold on a second--

Hop Pop: This way. Let's move.

Teddy: Don't you dare leave. [groans]

Anne(looking at two barrels with baking soda and vinegar): Finally. A chance to use everything I know about chemistry.

[knuckles crack]

Hop Pop: We gotta find Bessie.

All: Bessie!

Bessie: [purrs]

Sprig: Oh, thank goodness you're all right, you beautiful, precious princess.

Hop Pop: Sprig, bring that lantern over here. Polly, get under there and take a look.

Polly: You got it, chief.

[grunts]

Hop Pop: A trap. So that's what slowed her down.

[grunts]

[chirps]

Hop Pop: How the heck did this get on her tail, though?

Sprig: Uh... Hop Pop?

(Sprig looks around at the rest of the stables, where dozens of snails with traps are looking at him.)

[all purring, chirping]

[whines]

Sprig: This was all a setup. They trap passengers at the inn. We're the "breakfast" in "bed and breakfast."

Hop Pop: Yeah, obvi. Let's go.

Anne: [laughing]

Hop Pop: What are you laughing about?

Anne: Nothing. Let's get outta here.

Hop Pop: Bessie, things are gettin' messy.

Bessie: [chirps]

[all yell]

(Bessie rushes out of the stable, followed by the other captive snails.)

Teddy: Ooh, thanks honey. Hey, do you hear that? Did you leave the sink running?

(He looks around. The two barrels are tipped over and leaking into each other.)

Teddy: Oh, dear.

(The inn blows up.)

Bessie: [chirps]

Anne: Chemistry wins! Yes!

Sprig: Home sweet home.

Anne: [sighs]

Hop Pop: You know, Polly, even though you're still a tadpole, you certainly proved you can be on your own. Maybe it's time I give you a little more independence.

Polly: Thanks, Hop Pop. But I was actually hoping to sleep in your room tonight. Being on my own was kinda freaky.

Hop Pop: I suppose that'd be all right.

[bedroom door opens]

Anne: So. Turns out tonight's events were a tad traumatic.

Sprig: Room for two more?

Polly: Get in here, you crazy kids.

[Anne and Sprig sigh]

Hop Pop: Great grubs, Sprig! Your feet are cold!

Sprig: Deal with it.

Polly: [giggles]