Children of the Spore/Transcript

[birds chirping]

[blowing]

[humming]

[sighs] Well,

after five years of work on this gal, I might actually finish.

[crash] My baby!

Whew! That was close.

Ooh, sorry about that, HP.

We're trying to teach Polly how to play kickball.

Which is challenging for obvious reasons.

Dang it, kids! What have I told you about roughhousing near the windows?

Now, come inside and play a quiet game. Hop Pop's working.

Yeah, I can see that. Nice toy boat.

It's not a "toy boat," Anne.

It's a replica of a famous warship.

Potato, tomato.

Scram!

[grumbles]

Tongue tag! If you get tongued, you lose.

Wait!

[laughing]

No. Kids, cut it out. I said a quiet game.

-No! -[laughing]

[distorted] No!

[screams]

Oops. [whimpers]

[grunts] Why don't you kids ever listen to me?

Okay. Everything's fine. We can still fix her.

To Loggle's!

-[screeches] -Okay, I'm going in.

Give Bessie some mushroom treats if she acts up.

You got it. [purrs]

Loggle! You've gotta help me save her.

[gasps] Is that a 1/80 scale model of The Green Lady?

Yeah! And she's damaged!

Wait here. I have just the thing.

Mm-hmm.

Excuse me, sir. [shouts]

Oh. Uh, hello.

Is that your snail out there? [Polly] Whoo-hoo!

[Bessie purring] Show 'em what you got, Bessie!

[siren whoops]

-Boo! -[sighs] Those kids are driving me insane.

Unruly kids, is it?

Well, allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Apothecary Gary.

You can also call me Apothe-Gary if you'd like.

Yeah, I'm not doin' that. Well, suit yourself.

Anyway, I've got just the thing for your troubles.

Just rub a little of this on their foreheads

and your kids'll be behaving in a jiffy.

See, it has these special enzymes--

Enzymes? [chuckles] Ol' Hopadiah's not fallin' for no scam.

[laughs] Oh, it's not a scam.

I guarantee, once you've tried it,

you won't be able to live without it.

Eh, I don't know.

In my experience, this kind of malarkey never--

Apothe-Gary?

Here we go, Hopadiah. [yells]

Did you get everything, Hop Pop?

Yup. Now all I need is a quiet afternoon to fix this old gal.

Well, listen, we'll be on our best behavior.

Yeah. The least we can do is give you the time to fix it.

We're sorry, Hop Pop.

This is yours, by the way.

Thanks, kids.

For the apology, not the ticket.

Whoo-hoo! Shotgun!

Guess I won't be needin' this stuff after all.

Hey, shoo, girl. This ain't a snack.

I'll be in my study if anyone needs me.

[groans] I'm starving.

I think there's one more Beetle Bite left in the kitchen.

-Oh! -No, they're mine!

No! No, no, no!

Sorry, HP. Let me get that for you.

Don't you touch her!

[insects chirping]

[snoring]

[snoring]

Eh. Probably won't do nothin' anyway.

[yawns]

[rooster crows]

[sizzling]

Kids! Breakfast!

Dang kids always take so long to wake up.

Whoa!

[all] Good morning, Hop Pop.

Okay.

Now, I'm gonna start workin' on my ship.

So I want you kids to finish your breakfast quickly,

then sit on that couch and not say a...

word.

[all] Yes, Hop Pop.

Don't hate that.

[humming] There you go, Captain Happy.

[clock ticking]

[chuckles] Hey, kids.

[all] Hey, Hop Pop.

[shudders]

Um, why don't you kids go outside and play--

[all] Yes, Hop Pop.

[Sprig and Polly] Hooray.

Better close these to cut down the glare.

[insects chirping]

[yawns] Almost done.

Still, I shouldn't use any more of that gunk on the kids.

Something about it just don't sit right with me.

[yawns] [bones crack]

Man, I feel funky.

Like I was a prisoner in my own body.

I... I have all this anger,

and I don't know what to do with it!

Well, hey! Wanna shake it off with another game of tongue tag?

Heck yeah. Let's play in Hop Pop's room.

I like the obstacles.

No! Kids! Cut it out. [all yelling]

-Looking good! -[Polly shouts]

Go to bed now, and I'll give you ten coppers each!

Well, good night. Sleep tight.

I sure like money!

[sighs] I'll just buy myself a little more time, and then never again.

[snoring]

[yawns]

Well, that's that.

[eerie music]

[moaning]

[moaning]

[all grunt]

What's that?

[moaning]

[gasps]

Kids! What's gotten into you? Huh?

[singsong] Knock, knock.

Gary? What the heck are you doing here?

I'm here to witness the birth of my new children.

-Children? -That's right.

That potion I gave you was no ordinary elixir.

It was made with a special blend of my very own spores.

Your spores?

[gasps]

Behold! My true beautiful self.

You see, I am a rare species of mushroom

able to control the mind of its host.

And soon all of Amphibia will be under my command!

[cackling]

You'll never get away with this.

Silence!

Also, eyes up here, buddy.

Oh, sorry. It's just, you're glowing, he's got the mouth--

I know, right? It's totally weird. I completely get it.

Now, where was I? Oh, right.

To me, my mushroom children!

[moaning]

Simmer down now.

[cackling]

Welcome to the family, Hopadiah-- Oh, he's gone.

We have to hold them off.

[moaning] Kids, snap out of it.

[Anne moaning]

Anne, no! Don't let them in.

[whimpers] Stay back!

[screaming]

[panting]

[grunts]

Well, I can't just leave her here.

I gotta get help. But everyone's infected except--

[gasps]

That's it! [panting]

[screams]

Shh! No, no, no. Polly, don't!

[shouts] No! Kids, let me go!

[cackling]

[thud] Little lower, please.

[moaning] Ah, there we go.

[moaning] Enough games.

Time for your assimilation.

Sorry to disappoint you, you compost-eating fiend,

but I've got you right where I want ya.

Goodbye, sweet lady.

May you find safe harbor in the beyond. Hyah!

Bessie! Snack time!

Who's Bessie? Is that your wife?

[Bessie purring]

Aw, gee! [grunts]

[gasps] My spores!

[screams] Take this, you overgrown vegetable.

A vegetable? How dare you?

-[grunts] -Huh?

[Gary] Stop her! She's eating all the mushrooms.

[grunting]

[purrs]

Ah! No. Stop. Please!

Have mercy, I beg of you.

I'm the last of my kind.

Destroying me would wipe us off the planet forever.

I can live with that. [shouts]

[screaming]

[sighs] Huh?

What the-- What a wonderful dream.

Hey, where am I? Why am I in the barn?

What day is it? Well, not the first time I've woken up in a shed.

I gotta go home. My wife's gonna kill me.

Hey, buddy. Do you know where I live?

Nope. Sorry, Gary.

Gary? The name's Lloyd.

[Anne, Sprig and Polly] Ahem.

[sighs] I know. No matter how important my ship was,

it didn't give me the right to use mind control on you.

Uh, no. Ya think?

Heck naw.

But I guess we're sorry too.

Looks like we pushed you pretty far.

We'll try to be better about listening to you in the future.

[chuckles] Yeah. I guess we're even.

Hop Pop, we broke a model ship.

You crossed all kinds of ethical and moral lines!

Like I said, even.

[grumbling] Yeah, whatever.

Fine. Now come on.

I'll make y'all some mushroom soup. [Polly] All right.

[Spring] Sounds good. [Anne] I see what you did there.