Hop Pop and Lock/Transcript

[chattering]

Hop Pop: Now kids, just 'cause we lost the family stand doesn't mean we can't sell our produce out of a janky wheelbarrow.

Anne: This...This is pretty sad.

Polly: Agreed.

Sprig: Ah, criminal activity. Excitement!

Hop Pop: Take that off. This is perfectly legal.

Anne: Then why are we hiding in an alley?

[chattering]

Hop Pop: Um, stop asking questions and follow my lead. Psst, lady. Wanna buy an eggplant? Huh?

Sylvia Sundew: [gasps] Hoppy!

Hop Pop: Wha-- Sylvia!

Sylvia: Hoppy? Come here, you sweet potato.

Hop Pop: Uh...I thought you had moved away. [grunts]

Sylvia: Yep, but I'm back in town. Now, let's take a look at your veggies.

Hop Pop: [stammering]

Sylvia: Oh, I'll take this one. I've always had a soft spot for the weird ones.

Hop Pop: [stammers]

Sylvia: Well, I better be going. Goodbye, Hoppy.

Hop Pop: [stammers] Goodbye, Sylvia. [sighs]

Anne: Hop Pop, you dog!

Hop Pop: Huh?

Sprig: What's happening?

Polly: What's going on?

Anne: Hop Pop is clearly in love.

Sprig: What?

Polly: I didn't think that was possible.

Hop Pop: Am not! Okay, maybe a little.

Anne: Ohh. You should tell her how you feel.

Hop Pop: [sighs] I wish I could. But you saw how I was back there. I have trouble even putting sentences together. I wish there was another way to let Sylvia know how I feel.

[hammering]

Hop Pop: Hmm. Kids, watch the wheelbarrow for a second.

[hammering]

[chattering]

Toadie: Dance Fever! With family fun, shenanigans! Romance! Tonight from 6:00 p.m. till...Hmmmmm?

Hop Pop: Hmm.

Sylvia: Been a long time since I've danced with someone. Might be nice to feel the embrace of a man.

Felicia: [chuckles] Mom.

Hop Pop: [stammers] Huh? Huh? Ooh!

Monroe: Ha-ha! Classic, gullible Hopadiah!

Hop Pop: Oh. Hey, Monroe.

Anne: Who's that?

Sprig: That's Monroe. He and Hop Pop have been rivals forever.

Polly: Monroe wins at pretty much everything. Lawn bowling, shuffleboard, other old man activities.

Monroe: You're not seriously thinking of going to this thing, are you? Wouldn't want to embarrass yourself like last year's barn dance fiasco. [laughs] See you around, old-timer.

Hop Pop: Oh, we'll see about that, Monroe. We'll see. [whistle blowing] Huh?

Sprig: Hop Pop, it's the fuzz! Everyone scatter! Aah!

[punching sounds]

Hop Pop: Can't dance, huh? We'll see about that.

Hop Pop: Looks easy enough. Sorry, Sylvia. And a-one, and a-two and--

(He takes out a mop, which breaks when he tries to dance with it.)

[shouts]

[sighs]

Hop Pop: Looks like it's hopeless.

[bass pounding]

Hop Pop: What in tarnation?

[pop music playing]

Hop Pop: Anne can dance?

(Anne shouts in alarm when she sees him and her shoe flies off.)

Hop Pop: Aah! Ow!

Anne: Hop Pop, what the heck, dude?

Hop Pop: Anne, I need your help.

Anne: What?

(He shows her the Dance Fever poster.)

Hop Pop: That's why I'm begging you. Teach me your ways! I can't tell Sylvia how I feel, but maybe I can show her by dancing with her.

Anne: Huh. Never figured you for a hopeless romantic, Hop Pop. Let's do this thing.

Hop Pop: Hey, um, think we could keep this just between us?

Anne: You got it, HP. My lips are sealed.

Sprig: Whoo! Dance it up, Hop Pop!

Polly: Shake that booty!

Hop Pop: What happened to the zipped lips?

Anne: Couldn't help it. This is just too juicy! Besides, when I'm done with you, you and Sylvia will be locking lips by the end of the night.

Sprig: [groans]

Polly: Oh, come on!

Anne: Lesson one. Footwork.

(Anne starts showing some of her moves; Hop Pop tries to replicate, but trips and falls onto an ant hill.)

[upbeat music playing]

[shouts]

[music stops]

[shouts]

Hop Pop: It burns! It burns!

[screams]

Anne: Lesson two. Rhythm.

Anne: [taps rhythmically]

Hop Pop: [taps off-beat]

Hop Pop: Ow!

Anne: Lesson three. Freestyle. Freestyle is expressing yourself in your own unique way.

Polly(looking at Hop Pop): Huh?

[Hop Pop grunting]

Hop Pop: [caws] Ta-da! Whoo! I gotta say, that's the first lesson I actually felt good--

Anne: Hop Pop, if you wanna win over Sylvia...Never do freestyle again!

''♪ Sylvia I'm gonna win your heart Babe ♪

♪ When you see my froggy booty On the dance floor ♪

♪ Sylvia, you're tugging At my heartstrings ♪''

Hop Pop: Here we go.

''♪ Taking it out On the dance floor, babe ♪ '' Sprig: Whoa! Yeah, Hop Pop!

Polly: Miracles happen!

Anne: Nice work, Hop Pop. Or maybe I should call you "Hip Pop?"

Hop Pop: That reference means nothing to me.

Sprig: Guys, there's only ten minutes till the dance. Come on!

Anne: Oh, we gotta go!

[dancers chattering]

[gulps]

Sprig: I gotta say, as long as you're not being forced to date someone, dances ain't half bad.

Hop Pop: [gulps] She's here! I feel like I'm gonna faint. Can frogs faint? I don't know anything anymore!

Anne: Hop Pop, calm down. You are the king of this dance floor! You walk right up to that lovely lady and ask her to dance.

Hop Pop: Hmm! I got this.

Anne: Get it!

Hop Pop: [clears throat] S-S-Sylvia? Uh...

Monroe(cutting in front of him): Sylvia Sundew! Would you do me the honor of this dance?

Anne: What?

Sprig and Polly: [gasp]

Sylvia: Why, Monroe. I'd be delighted.

Hop Pop: [gasping] Sylvia! Dance with me instead!

Sylvia: Well, Hopadiah.

Monroe: Him? Ha! He can't dance.

Hop Pop: I can dance better than you. I've been trained by the best, and I'm gonna take you down!

Monroe: Is that so? Then let's settle this.

[applause]

Anne, Sprig, Polly: [gasp]

Sprig: The drama.

Anne: Come on, guys. Hop Pop's gonna need backup.

Villager: Look over there.

Villager: What's going on?

Woman: Hopadiah?

Man: It's a standoff.

Toadstool: Oh! What's this? It appears two stallions have taken to the floor and are about to battle it out!

[rhythm builds]

Hop Pop: Slick. Here we go. Look out. Ha!

(He performs a decent dance routine.)

Man: You know, that wasn't half bad.

Villager: Technically proficient.

[cheering]

Toadstool: A solid effort by Hopadiah Plantar! But how will Monroe respond?

Monroe: [chuckles]

All: [gasp]

Anne: Oh, no.

Monroe: Hold tight, now. Watch me now.

(He performs an excellent dance routine.)

[loud cheering]

Toadstool: Well, looks like that's it for Hopadiah. Unless he has something special or unique to show.

Sprig: Well, we did our best. And isn't that what counts?

Polly: [shouts] What kinda loser talk is that?

Anne: I honestly don't know what to do. Monroe's just a better dancer.

Hop Pop: Well, then I guess I'll just have to express myself in my own unique way.

Sprig: Wait, you don't think he's gonna...

Anne: [gasps] Oh, no. Hop Pop! Hop Pop!

Hop Pop: Sylvia, I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how I feel about you. But I can show you. Hit it, boys!

Band player: Uh, yeah. We've been hitting it, but okay.

(Hop Pop begins doing freestyle.)

[sighs]

[caws]

[caws, gags]

Toadstool: Unbelievable!

[dancers gasp]

Toadstool: I ain't never seen moves like those. It's horrifying.

[hooting]

[screams]

Hop Pop: Ta-da!

All: [gasps]

Anne(face covered): Is it safe to look yet?

Sprig(face covered): No idea.

Polly(face covered): Couldn't tell you.

Monroe: Oho, yikes. Well, I think it's clear who the winner is.

Villager: It's Monroe.

Villager: Not even close.

Villager: Monroe does it again!

Monroe: Come along, Sylvia. No need to waste time with losers.

Hop Pop: Oh.

Polly, Sprig, Anne: [sigh]

Sylvia: Oh, Hopadiah!

Hop Pop: Huh?

(Sylvia starts doing freestyle.)

[grunting, humming]

[gurgles]

All: Ooh!

Monroe: Wha--She's as freaky as he is! The horror!

(Hop Pop joins her.)

[croaking]

Woman: This is not for children's eyes!

Anne: Why? Why?

Toadstool: Okay! That's enough of that. Pack it up. Dance is over! Everyone go home!

(Hop Pop and Sylvia stop dancing, panting and laughing.)

Hop Pop: I don't get it. Why?

Sylvia: I have a soft spot for the weird ones, remember?

Hop Pop: [stammers] Ah, shame the dance is over. I could dance for hours with you.

(Sprig starts playing smooth violin.)

Hop Pop: Ahem, may I have this dance, Sylvia Sundew?

Sylvia: Why, yes you may, Hopadiah Plantar.

Polly: May I have this dance, madame?

Anne: Thought you'd never ask.