Grubhog Day/Transcript

[people screaming]

[townspeople chattering]

Merchant: Iced flies! Get your iced flies over here!

Anne: Carnie games? Fair food? Why can't it be like this all the time?

Polly: Welcome to Grubhog Day, Anne! It's the one day a year that no one works and the whole swamp cuts loose.

Frog: Whoo-hoo! [garbled mumbling]

Polly: It all leads up to a big ceremony where the grubhog pops out of his official stump!

Anne: And, let me guess, predicts the weather?

Polly: [gasps] How'd you know?

Anne: Believe it or not, we've got the same thing in my world.

Sprig: Grubhog, schmub hog. The best part of this holiday is the vomit-inducing, death-defying, unforgettable...rides!

Anne: That's what I'm talking about.

All: [laugh]

(Hop Pop jumps out of a bush.)

Hop Pop: Not so fast, kids!

Anne: Hop Pop, wha--What are you doing hiding in the bushes?

Hop Pop: Uh, I'm not quite sure myself, Anne. But never mind that. Great news! Ralphie Underbrook has the plague!

Anne: [gasps]

Polly: That's horrible!

Hop Pop: Oh, he'll be fine. But now, someone has to take care of the grubhog, and I volunteered you, Sprig.

Sprig: What?

Hop Pop: This is a big deal. The last Plantar to do it botched the job so bad, we shunned him for life.

Anne: Botched it?

Polly: Let's just say he got hungry. And he ate it.

Anne: Ew.

Hop Pop: Isn't this exciting? You'll have to miss the fair, of course, but it's for a good cause. Come on, boy. Do it for the family. What do you say?

Sprig: Well... I, uh...[groans]...Of course I will! There's nothing more important to me than family. Rides are for dum-dums anyway. [chuckles]

Hop Pop: That's my Sprig! I knew I could count on you. This guy, everyone! This guy!

Anne: Oh! He's so cute. Like a little sock puppet!

Hop Pop: Careful, It spits acid.

Grubhog: [oinks]

Anne: [shouts]

Hop Pop: Don't stare into the abyss, Anne. After all, it stares back. You got that costume on yet, boy?

Sprig: [groans]

Hop Pop: I'm so happy I lived to see this.

Sprig(reading): "Congratulations, lucky child. Keep an eye on the grubhog, and don't pull a Plantar." Ouch.

Hop Pop: Polly, let's go spread the good news. The Plantars are back, baby! And just remember. The family name is in your hands.

Polly(echoing): In your haaaands.

Anne: All right, dude. What's going on? I know you don't wanna do this.

Sprig: [sighs] I don't. But I can't let Hop Pop down. He's counting on me.

Anne: Sprig, buddy, just tell Hop Pop how you really feel. Drop that truth bomb. [imitates explosion]

Sprig: No way. Those eyes he gave me earlier, those were "I'm proud of you, Sprig" eyes. I've only seen them maybe twice. So, you just go and enjoy those incredible rides without me.

Outside: [cheering]

Sprig: [gasps] Is that the Spider Spinner? I've heard it's the fastest ride ever made! [sighs] But I guess I'll have to miss it this year.

Grubhog: [oinks]

Anne: Hmm. Hey. What did that scroll say your one job was?

Sprig: To keep an eye on the grubhog.

Anne: So, why not keep an eye on him as he's sitting next to us? On a ride.

Sprig: You're a hopping genius, Anne!

Anne: As long as we're back here before the ceremony, what's the difference?

Sprig: But what if Hop Pop sees us out there?

Anne: He won't!

Sprig: This plan is flawless!

[upbeat music playing]

[both laugh]

[chuckle]

[cackles]

[both laugh]

(Grubhog starts to climb up the side of the merry-go-round.)

Anne: Oh, shoot. No, get back here.

[laughing]

[shouting]

[oinks]

[screaming, cheering]

Sprig: Yeah! This is amazing! Not only are we having fun, but I'm also doing Hop Pop proud!

Anne: In my world, we'd call this a win-win.

Sprig: Uh, we call it a win-win here too, Anne. [gasps] Look!

[frog screams]

Sprig: A new ride. Let's do it.

[grunts]

[both scream]

[grubhog squeals]

[Sprig yells]

[oinks]

(The grubhog falls of the roller coaster.)

Sprig: Hog overboard!

Anne: No, look! We can pick him up when we come back around. Ha-ha!

Both: It's gonna be okay!

[fanfare plays]

Anne: There he is!

[oinks, squeals]

[both gasp]

(A huge bird swoops down and grabs the grubhog.)

[bird screeches]

[slows, clicks]

[shouts]

Anne: [gasping] Whoa, buddy. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Maybe we can go into the woods and find a new grubhog?

Sprig: The ceremony starts in five minutes!

[bell clangs]

Sprig: Hop Pop's gonna be so disappointed.

Anne: There's gotta be something we can do. Think!

Salesman: Socks, buttons. Don't know why you'd want them but we got 'em!

(Anne purchases materials and makes sock puppet grubhog.)

Anne: There we go. Presenting... one grubhog!

[Anne squeals, snorts]

Sprig: Hmm, I don't know. He's a friendly little guy. Maybe...we can actually pull this off.

Anne: It's just gotta pop out of the stump, right?

Sprig: And predict the weather, yeah.

Anne: We totally got this!

[bell rings]

Announcer: The Grubhog Ceremony will begin presently.

Anne and Sprig: Let's do this thing.

(One eye pops off the puppet.)

Anne: I can fix that.

[chattering]

[cheering, applause]

Sprig: [nervous laugh]

Toadstool: Frogs, friends. Welcome to the annual Grubhog Celebration!

Frog: Dang right!

Frog: Yeah!

Frog: Whoo-hoo!

Toadstool: Now, now, wait. Simmer down, simmer down. I-I now hand it over to the next town scandal just waiting to happen. Sprig Plantar!

[crowd grumbles]

Sprig: Hello. [clears throat] Welcome, fellow frogs. It is my honor to present the one, the only, the-absolutely-real and-not-fake grubhog!

(Anne, hidden inside the stump, pokes the sock grubhog out of the opening.)

Anne: [sniffs, snorts]

[cheering, applause]

Villager: Does the, uh, grubhog look a little bit off to you?

Villager: Uh, they probably changed its diet. That's what it is.

Sprig: [quiet shout] I can't believe it! We're pulling this off!

Anne: [panting] Good, 'cause it's hot in here.

Toadstool: Cute and cuddly. He's here. And now, the ceremonial feeding and cleaning of the grubhog!

[applause]

Sprig: [gags, spits] Ow.

Hop Pop: [laughs] That's grubhog's got some sass in him. [chuckles]

Sprig: What are you doing?

Anne: Selling it.

[ragtime music]

[grunts]

Sprig: Huh? Ow.

[audience applauds]

[laughing]

Sprig: Oh, crud. Okay, you. Put 'em up.

[townspeople applauding]

[townspeople gasp]

[townspeople cheering]

[laughing]

Toadstool: Well done, my boy. Well done. I must say this is the best ceremony we've ever had. Consider the Plantar name restored in full!

[cheering]

Toadstool: And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. It's time to cut open the grubhog!

Anne: Uh, what now? Oh! Oh!

Toadstool: Now remember, spots in the liver means?

Crowd: Two more weeks of winter!

All: [chanting] Cut, cut!

Polly: I love this part!

Anne: Wait, you guys read its guts?

Sprig: I thought you had the same tradition back home!

Anne: It was a little different!

All: [chanting] Cut, cut, cut!

[shouts]

[shouts]

[shouts]

(Sprig grab's Toadstool's arm.)

[all gasp]

Toadstool: No, uh-- What's gotten into you, boy? Has the grubhog taken over your mind?

Sprig: I can't let you do this. The truth is...The truth is I lost the grubhog!

All: [gasp]

Toadtool: Leaping lily pads! What?

Sprig: That's right. I lost the grubhog because I was goofing off at the fair. Anne and I tricked you all to cover it up.

(He kicks the stump, which collapses and reveals Anne sitting inside.)

All: [gasp]

Anne(nervous): Hello, everybody.

Hop Pop: Sprig, I don't understand. I-I thought you said fixing the family name was important to you.

Sprig: I knew it was important to you. So, I played along. I just wanted to make you proud.

Hop Pop: Sprig, I owe you an apology.

Sprig: Huh?

Hop Pop: I put way too much on your shoulders. I should've just let you have fun at the fair.

Toadstool: Well, Plantars, you've ruined everything surprising absolutely no one. I knew this goofy kid would mess things up somehow.

Hop Pop: Hey, you make fun of me all you want, but you leave him out of this.

Toadstool: Wake up, Plantar! The night is ruined! We've got no grubhog. All we got is a puppet that everyone seemed to love!

Sprig: Chop the grubhog!

Anne: No! Chop you!

[Sprig yells]

Anne: Ree, ree, ree! Grubhog Two. The Reckoning! And, cue the applause.

Crowd[chanting]: Puppets! Puppets! Puppets!

Hop Pop: Ten shows nightly. They can't get enough. Sprig, this puppet show is a great idea. You redeemed the family name after all. I'm proud of you. Both of you. That whole killing-the-grubhog stuff has always been pretty severe.

Polly: Not to me!

Toadstool(on speaker): And now, the moment y'all been waiting for. Let the show begin!

[applause]

Polly: To the VIP seats!

Sprig: Uh, hey, Anne? Thanks for sticking with me today. It was a ride I won't forget.

Anne: Anytime, dude. Real talk though, I almost peed myself when they were gonna cut off my arm.

Sprig: Yeah, memories. Too bad about that grubhog though. I hope he's in a better place.

(The grubhog, shown riding on top of the giant bird, communicating through squawks and grunts.)

Grubhog: Thank you for saving me, loyal subject.

Bird: Think nothing of it, Lord. I have not forgotten the aid you gave my people. To where do we fly?

Grubhog. To war, old friend. To war.