Lost in Newtopia/Transcript

[squawking]

[speakers: man] Welcome, ladies and gentle-phibians,

to a safe uneventful afternoon of touristy nonsense.

It may not be as eventful as other tours but did I mention it's safe?

This is the last time we let Hop Pop pick the activity.

Look Anne, we've got a few days to kill

before King Andrias reveals his findings about the music box.

And what better way to spend that time than learning?

[ Anne, Sprig, Polly groan]

[chattering]

Oh, wow, what's that place?

Imminent danger. Look away!

But imminent is the best kind of danger.

Now then, what's the most important thing to do

when visiting Newtopia? Any guesses?

Ooh, ooh! Eating like a local? Looking like a local?

Partying with the locals?

Nope. It's getting to know the city from a safe distance.

Like on this bus.

Such wisdom.

-[sighs] This is just like... -[Polly sighs]

...when I'd go traveling with my mom.

-[chattering] -[traffic hums]

Mom, can I please try some of that?

No, sweetie, your California stomach can't handle it.

-But you can have carrot stick and trail mix. -[whimpers]

I didn't want the baby carrots, Mom!

I didn't want 'em. Why? Why? Why? Why?

-You know what? -What?

This time I'm gonna experience the city the way the locals do!

Not sit on a bus like some dumb tourist!

[tour guide] And now for our tour of the tour bus.

This is the ceiling, what a good ceiling!

Not to be outdone by the floor!

Ooh!

Count me in. So what do we do?

Follow my lead.

[groans] Oh, man, Hop Pop, my stomach is killing me.

-Can we go back to the hotel? -Uh, me too.

I need to get off now or I'll explode.

-[passengers gasp] -[gasps]

Why does this keep happening?

Now I'll never make it to the cheese museum.

No, no! Why don't you stay on the tour? We can head back ourselves.

And we're back. But you two gotta promise me you'll go straight to the hotel.

No detours!

-[both] We promise! -Sprig you coming?

I thought you'd never ask.

[gasps] You handcuffed us together?

Sorry, Sprig, but after the Ruins of Disaster incident, you've left me no choice.

Well, the jokes on you.

Anne and Polly would never leave me.

Later, dude.

No! No, no, no, no, no!

Now sit your butt down and put on your cheese hat.

[Sprig] No!

[both] Ah.

Welcome, Polly, to the bowels of the city.

[chattering]

[Polly] You know, it's been a long time since you and I had a solo adventure.

Heck, yeah! We're way overdue.

Looks like it's finally time for team P'Anne

to get more screen time.

[together] Team P'Anne for life!

-[Anne] Ow! -[Polly groans]

-Our team name's bad. -Yeah, it could be better.

Anyhoo, let's get this authentic experience started.

-Okay, sounds good. Oh! -No guides!

People will know we're lame-o tourists.

[gasps] You're right. Don't wanna be like that guy.

-Aw. -All right.

Step one, eat like the locals.

Street food, baby. Nothing more authentic.

Hey, buddy. Can you whip us up a couple of... Uh... Uh...

Actually, we'll just take two of whatever the locals eat.

Uh, are you sure?

I mean, we don't usually serve this to outsiders.

It's pretty spicy.

Ha! That don't scare me. After all, I'm Thai.

Uh, Jerry. All right. Whatever. Two extra spicys. Here you go.

-All right! Cheers! -Cheers!

Hey, not bad! [groans, pants]

[coughs, screams]

[gulps]

[laughs] Weak!

[all gasp]

-[panting] -Hey! You two torched my roof.

-Prove it! -Sorry, my good man... Eh, newt.

This should cover the cost.

[sighs] Didn't you read the sign? Cash only!

Uh... [chuckles] Well, of course I did...

Run, Polly! Hey!

[Polly screams] Could you not throw me?

-I panicked! I panicked! -Get back here!

Just wait till I get my hands on you.

Whew! That was close.

Man, Polly, I feel so authentic.

I can't feel my face but my heart feels alive.

Did you see the part where I breathed fire?

What's next? What's next?

Step two, look like the locals.

What's the one thing they've got that we don't?

-Cash money. -Tails! Big, beautiful newt tails.

Well, actually, I have a tail but I see what you're doing.

-Tails. Tails. Tails. -Tails. Tails.

-Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. -Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails.

-[Anne, Polly] Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. -Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails.

-Tails. Tails. Tails. -Tails. Tails. Tails.

Two tails, please, for two locals.

Locals, hey? Well, nice to meet ya.

Whoa, uh... Am I supposed to, uh...

Now let's get you fixed with a temporary tail

until your new one grows back.

Gross. And okay!

Hmm. Exactly how long was your old tail?

How long you got?

-All right! Now that's what I'm talking about. -Ow!

Hey, Polly! Find one you like?

Give me that one.

This is it, Polly. You have a tail, I have a tail. We totally look like the locals.

Yeah, we're definitely blending in. [laughs]

Oh, hey, what's that stand over there selling?

[screams] Oh, my Gosh.

-[screams] My glasses! -Ah, sorry!

All right, all right, what seems to be the problem?

-[Anne] Ooh! I'm so sorry. -[grunts] Wha... [grunts]

I oughta lock you up for disturbing the peace.

You ought to, but you won't, right?

Oh. Smart one, hey? That's it! You're coming with me.

-[screams] -[yells]

[screams, blows whistle]

[groans]

Dang it! We'll never find them in this crowd.

What? Sure we will.

Shush. I'm lazy.

Ah.

[sighs] That was intense.

Being authentic is more work than I thought.

I don't know. Seems pretty cool to me. What's next?

-[marching band playing] -[crowd cheering]

-Look at that sweetie. -Ooh.

Step three, baby. Party with the locals.

[both] Whoo-hoo!

Hey, can I join in?

I don't see why not.

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Go, Anne! You maniac!

Oh, hey! Mouth control.

-What? -[mimicking] Hi, Polly.

I'm Freddie the Fish. Fry me up for dinner.

-[Anne mimicking laugh] -[laughs]

-Wait, something's wrong. -I'm delicious. [laughs]

-[crowd gasps] -Huh?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just dancing with your goofy mascot.

[crowd gasps]

That "goofy mascot" is Igor the Brave.

He's a great hero who once gave his life to save Newtopia.

This parade is in his honor.

My bad. I had no idea.

Whoa!

[crowd gasps, clamors]

We should run, right?

-Heck, yeah! -After them!

Hey, it's those two kids. At least one of them's a kid.

The other one is some kind of funny-looking...

Just chase us already!

You got it!

[Anne panting]

You've got to be kidding me.

Spicy wraps here. Get your spicy wraps.

Hey, it's you two! Get back here. [grunts]

Siege mode!

[yells]

Holy... [screams]

Forget authenticity. Forget being a local.

We should've used a brochure. A guide. Anything!

Heck, we should've never left the tour bus. [screams]

[screams] Street freaks. Oh, wait.

No, it's just my granddaughter and my adopted granddaughter.

[crowd approaching]

-[both] Let us in! Let us in! -Everyone, remain calm.

As long as we don't open the doors or windows,

this disaster will pass us by.

-Forget that! -[Anne screams]

-[Polly screams] -Quick, get in!

[all scream]

-Oh, no, you don't. -[Anne strains]

[Anne strains, screams] This is insane! Leave me!

Never! Team P'Anne for life, remember?

That's right. That's right. P'Anne can't lose.

[gasps] I just thought of a better name.

An-olly.

Oh, that's not better.

It's worse, actually.

[sobs] "An-olly."

I... I love it.

Now let's end this thing.

Don't make this harder than it has to... [groans]

Kick in the neck! Yoink!

Oh, boy.

[crowd screams]

[burps]

Whoo!

You guys still want to check out that cheese museum?

[all] Yes, please!

[groans] This is the last book and still nothing on the music box.

Well, even I have to admit I'm surprised.

This is one of the most comprehensive libraries in all of Amphibia.

Maybe we missed a book somewhere.

[groans] I need more bug-accinos. B-R-B. Whoa!

Ah, dang it! Tell me that tapestry wasn't hundreds of years old.

Oh, way older than that actually.

[Marcy] No!

But wait! Marcy, look!

Hmm. I'ma push it. Bop.

-What the... -Huh?

No way. A secret library wing. Did you know about this?

No. It must be thousands of years old, judging by the smell. Whew!

Well, come on. I just know the answers are down there waiting for us.