Taking Charge/Transcript

Polly: Whoa! [laughs] Whoo! [laughs] Higher!

[scream]

Sprig: Huh?

Hop Pop: Huh?

Polly: Aaah!

Anne: Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys! Look!

Polly: What are we looking at here?

Anne: Suspicion Island. It's, like, my favorite show. I've got the new season and didn't even know it. It must have auto-downloaded before I got here.

Sprig: Who's this Otto?

Polly: And how did you download him?

Anne: Just watch.

[beeps]

Narrator: Previously on Suspicion Island...

Peruvia: I've got a lot of feelings about this place.

Sprig: Look! More Annes!

Polly: Ha ha! They have noses.

Randy: I feel like everyone on this island is suspicious, Peruvia, except you!

Peruvia: But, Randy, I think you're suspicious!

Randy: Nooooooo!!!

Narrator: Suspicion Island. If you don't stay suspicious, you won't stay alive.

[explosions]

Hop Pop: What is this demonic nonsense?

Anne: Hop Pop, this show's got beautiful people doing dumb things while stuff explodes! It's literally perfect.

Sprig: Awesome!

Polly: Let's do it!

Hop Pop: Now, hold on. Instead of that garbage, how 'bout I treat you to some real entertainment?

Sprig and Polly: Oh, no.

Hop Pop: A scene from The Shallow Pond.

[clears throat]

Hop Pop: Sadness. The world is sadness. But look. There. A pond! Is it deep? Or shallow?

Sprig, Polly, Anne: [chanting] Suspicion Island! Suspicion Island! Suspicion Island!

Hop Pop: Okay! Fine!

Anne: Whoo-hoo!

Sprig: Yes!

Polly: Yeah!

Hop Pop: But just one.

(Smash to Anne and the Plantars watching the show into the night; Anne, Sprig and Polly are engrossed, eyes bloodshot and veiny, while Hop Pop isn't interested.)

Chad: It can't be, Vivica. These pterodactyls are clones of... my dead brother!

Anne: (gasps) NO WAY.

(Hop Pop rolls his eyes and grumbles.)

(Vivica is taken away on a pterodactyl.)

Chad: NOOOOO!

Narrator: ''Will these beautiful teens ever make it off the island? Find out next time on--''

(Anne pauses the video.)

Anne: And that's enough for tonight.

Sprig: Aw, come on!

Polly: [groans] This is torture!

Anne: Trust me, guys. You gotta pace yourself with this stuff.

Hop Pop: All right, you two grubs. Off to bed.

[both groaning]

Sprig: How am I supposed to sleep without knowing what happened to Vivica and Chad?

Polly: Stupid sleep! I wanna watch it right now!

Anne: So? What do you think, Hop Pop? Better than that boring stuff you read to us, right?

Hop Pop: That "boring stuff" is called literature, Anne. And maybe, if you had an ounce of culture, you wouldn't reject it in favor of your substandard, puerile garbage show!

Anne: Sheesh. Tell me how you really feel.

[yawns]

Anne: Nup, nup, nup.

[wind whistling]

[ticking]

[beep]

Narrator: Last week on Suspicion Island...

[rooster crows]

Anne: Come on, guys! It's time to get...suspicious.

(She starts to play the next episode; suddenly, her phone displays a low battery alert and beeps.)

Anne: Wait, WHAT?

(The Plantars enter.)

Sprig: What's wrong, Anne?

Hop Pop: What's all the ruckus?

Polly: Why you screaming?

Anne: My battery is low. But it was fine last night when I turned it off.

(She accesses the season; somehow, all the episodes are marked "WATCHED".)

Anne: Huh? "Watched"? Who watched all these episodes and used up all the--

(Another alert.)

Anne: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!

(The phone then displays a dead cat face and is booted off.)

Anne: It's gone.

Sprig: What's gone?

Anne: Everything! My pictures! My texts! Videos of my cat! Now all my memories from home are gone!!

(She begins hyperventilating.)

[panicked breathing]

Sprig: Um, there, there?

Anne: No! Was it you?

Sprig: What? No! I didn't watch anything. It must have been Polly.

Polly: What?

Sprig: I even heard her get up in the night. Very suspicious.

Polly: I needed to pee! Plus, if you heard me, you were awake too. You're the suspicious one!

Sprig: Don't change the subject.

Polly: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What about... Hop Pop?

Hop Pop: Heh! Me? In case you forgot, I despise that garbage.

Polly: Exactly! Maybe you ran down the phone so we'd have to listen to your boring play!

Sprig: Oh, that's good.

Hop Pop: That is preposterous!

Anne: [groans] Enough! If none of you are going to admit to it, the least you could do is help me fix my phone.

Hop Pop: Fair enough, Anne. How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town--

Anne: We need power. Electricity.

Polly: What?

Hop Pop: Huh?

Anne: You know, zap zap?

Hop Pop: "Zap zap"? Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. Quickly! To my study!

Hop Pop: I've heard talk of a creature called the zapapede that lives deep in the Misty Peaks. It zaps its prey with a small spark of lightnin'. Yeah, it's pretty cool, actually.

Anne: Sounds like it's worth a shot. So, how far away is this bug, HP?

Hop Pop: Don't call me HP. [clears throat] It's half a day's travel, but that should be no trouble for this gang.

Sprig: Oh, yeah? Well, that's just what Chad Vanderblad said. Right before he was stabbed in the back by a backstabber on Suspicion Island!

Hop Pop: Watch where you're pointin' that finger!

Polly: I would never stab Chad in the back, but one of you two would.

Sprig: Hey! Every time you point, two fingers point back!

Polly: That doesn't make any sense!

Anne: Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! You're all suspicious. Just look at you. Now, come on. Let's get going. The sooner we move, the sooner I get my memories back.

[growling]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[growling, grunting continues]

[grunting]

Sprig: ♪ A family Distrusts each other ♪ ♪ On a dangerous mission ♪ ♪ Like the nearly naked humans On the island of Suspicion ♪ ♪ Peruvia, Felicia And Randy, so hot ♪ ♪ Beguiling, hostile-ing ♪ ♪ We're all Suspicious isle-ing ♪

Hop Pop: Quiet, boy. Look! There's one now! A zapapede!

Anne: Oh, looks pretty cute.

[creaking]

Hop Pop: Step lightly, everyone. This thing doesn't look like it can take much weight.

[grunting]

[Sprig continues grunting]

[yawns]

Hop Pop: Huh.

Anne: 'Sup, HP?

Hop Pop: Sprig sure looks tired, doesn't he? Awfully suspicious. And don't call me HP.

Polly: The old man's a lying snake, but he does have a point.

[creaks]

Sprig: You guys talkin' scum?

Hop Pop: What? No, no. No, no, no.

Sprig: Hmm. Psst, Anne.

[groans]

Anne: Excuse me, HP.

Hop Pop: [grumbles]

Sprig: I want to find out who's guilty just as much as you do. Let me help you.

Polly: Oh, no, you don't! You were trying to Chad her into trusting you!

Sprig: And you're trying to Vivica her into not trusting me!

Polly: Oh, and look at Hop Pop trying to Randy his way out of this.

Hop Pop: I don't even know what that means!

Anne: Guys, cut it out. You're gonna--

[all screaming]

[electricity zapping]

[loud crash]

[all groaning]

Anne: Rope bridge? More like nope bridge.

[groans]

Hop Pop: [gasps] Look! Down there! More zapapedes! They're pretty far down.

Anne: Hmm. Oh! Let's just link arms and lower someone down, just like the teens did in episode eight.

Sprig: Ha! So that Polly can drop us to cover her tracks, just like Vivica did in the very same episode?

Polly: You callin' me a Vivica?

Sprig: Maybe...

[shouts]

[Sprig grunts]

[blows landing]

Hop Pop: Kids, no! Stop fightin'!

[grunting]

[groaning]

[grunts, screams, shouts]

Anne: Hey, cut it out, you guys. Seriously. Ow!

Sprig: Oh, sorry, Anne. You okay? [chuckles]

[Anne shouting]

[gasps]

[blows landing]

Hop Pop: Kids, no! Stop fighting!

[grunting]

Hop Pop: Eh, no. [grunting] Oh. No. I-- It was me!

[echoing]

Polly: Say what?

Sprig: Huh?

Anne: You mean--

Hop Pop: That's right, Anne. I watched all the episodes. Every single one!

Anne: But you hated Suspicion Island!

Hop Pop: Hated it? Hated it?! I LOVED it!

[thunderclap]

Hop Pop: Ever since the end of that last episode, I-I couldn't sleep. I fell in love with those crazy kids on their crazy island. I couldn't get enough! I did the only thing I could.

Hop Pop: I snuck out to the livin' room to watch another episode.

[slurping]

[grunting]

Hop Pop: I vowed only to watch one, but Suspicion Island had its hooks in me! And before I realized what had happened, I'd finished the season!

[gasps] [rooster crows]

Hop Pop: With dawn approaching, I covered my tracks and made my escape.

Flashback Anne: Come on, guys! It's time to get...suspicious.

[thunderclap]

Anne: Unbelievable.

Sprig: What a twist!

Hop Pop: But now, I'm gonna make things right. I will redeem myself!

[screaming]

Anne: Hop Pop!

Hop Pop: I'm okay!

[zapping]

Hop Pop: You know, it's actually kinda relaxing!

[whimpers, screams]

[panting]

[groaning]

[pants, whimpers]

[screaming]

Sprig: He can't last much longer!

Polly: We have to work together!

[exhales]

[grunts]

Anne: Almost. Nearly there. Got him! Oh, wait a second.

[screams]

[screams]

[all screaming]

[sniffing]

[all groaning]

Hop Pop: Holy smokes. That's a lot of percents.

Anne: So, you love Suspicion Island, huh?

Hop Pop: Yeah... [sighs] And I'm sorry I lied and drained your memory box. Can you ever forgive this old, silly frog?

Anne: Dude, you just risked your life to recharge my phone. I think we're square.

Polly: Aw. Really glad I didn't push you off a cliff like I was planning.

Sprig: [laughs] Me too, Polly. Me too.

Hop Pop: All right, enough fiddle-faddling. We gotta get home so you guys can finish the season. If I don't talk to someone about it soon, I'm gonna explode! I mean, that part where the island itself is revealed to actually be--

Polly: No!

Sprig: Oh, come on!

Anne: Dude, spoilers!