Croak & Punishment/Transcript

Anne: [sips drink]

[rooster crows]

Anne: [yawns] Ahh.

Sprig: Anne! Anne! Anne! An--

Anne: [sips drink, gulps]

Sprig: Anne! Anne! Anne! Look what I found! A blue moon shell.

Anne: Pretty.

Sprig: Yup! And you know who's gonna love it? Ivy! Tomorrow's her birthday. And this is the perfect gift.

Hop Pop: Morning, kids! Time to start the chores. Whoa! Is that a blue moon shell? [gasps] Beautiful! You know, some frogs die never having seen one.

Polly: [laughs] Suckers!

Hop Pop: Anyway, enough dilly-dallying. Chore time! Bessie's waste ain't gonna shovel itself.

Sprig: Well, don't wanna get this thing dirty. [whistles]

Anne: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Anne: You're just gonna leave that there? Someone's gonna steal it.

Sprig: No, they won't. This is Wartwood, Anne, not some den of thieves.

Anne: You could at least cover it up or something.

Sprig: I will do no such thing! I trust my community. And frankly, Anne, I pity you for not trusting yours.

Anne: Okay, okay. Sheesh.

Hop Pop: Kids, get your butts over here!

Sprig and Anne: Coming, Hop Pop.

Sprig: Glad that's over with.

Anne: Well, I'm scarred for life.

Sprig: Yup. But never mind that. Look. The blue moon shell. Right where I left it. Wait. Wait a minute. What? The shell. The shell's not here. I've been robbed!

Anne: Well, I don't wanna tell you, "I told you so." But--

Sprig: [sobs] Ivy's birthday is tomorrow, and I've got nothing. [sobs, pants]

Anne: Okay, first, calm down.

Sprig: [breathes heavily]

Anne: Second, maybe we can track this thief down. Quick. Look for clues. Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Sprig: Oh, that's just waxed yarn. They sell it at the Grub and Go.

Anne: Well, then, let's grub and go there to catch our thief.

Sprig: [chuckles] Nice.

Anne: Finally, hundreds of hours of watching trash cop shows is gonna pay off.

Sprig: Cop, what?

Anne: You know. A cop, po-po, five-oh, doughnut munchers?

Sprig: Mmm.

Anne: Here. (She shows Sprig a trailer for a police show on her phone.)

''[police siren wails]

Police chief: I don't care what it takes! Bring him to me, dead or alive!

[police siren wails]

Investigator 1: One knife victim without pants. We've gotta catch this sicko.

Investigator 2: So, you're a marathon runner, eh?

Investigator 1: Well, maybe this will jog your memory. Jelly-stained boxers found at the scene of the crime.

[gunshot fires]

Criminal: How'd you get my phone number?

Investigator 1: Easy.

Criminal: [gasps]

Investigator 1: I looked up "guilty" in the phone book.

Police officer: [chews donut]

Narrator: Justice is watching you.

[bullet ricochets]''

Sprig: Whoa! I'm into this.

Anne: Who wouldn't be? Now let's go catch that thief.

(Anne and Sprig appear walking in town, wearing fake mustaches.)

Sprig: Ow! Whoops. Why are we wearing these again?

Anne: All the best cops have mustaches. Now, here's how it's gonna go. I'm the good cop. So I'll butter 'em up and make 'em lower their guard. Then bam-o! You come in as the bad cop and get the confession.

Sprig: Got it.

[store bell rings]

Anne: Hey, buddy. Nice little place you got here. Business good?

Teenage worker: Um, we're having kind of a rough season.

Anne: Good, good. We're here about a shell that got misplaced. Recognize any of these?

Teenage worker: Huh. Couldn't say. I see a lot of shells.

Anne(to Sprig): Psst. Hit him with the "bad cop."

Sprig: Oh, right. (To the worker) Your hair looks incredible. [grunts]

Teenage worker: Thanks. I use product.

Anne(to Sprig): Sergeant, could I speak to you for a moment?

Anne: Sprig, that wasn't bad cop. That was sad cop. You gotta get mad, man!

Sprig: Yeah, I'm not generally a mad kid, Anne.

Anne: You gotta dig deep, dude. Think about what that thief took from you. Your shell. Your gift. Your future with Ivy. The frog of your dreams!

Sprig: [groans]

Anne: Yes. Yes, Sprig. Let it flow!

Sprig(to the worker): [grumbles, yells] Hey, you little noodle! This blue shell, you seen it?

Teenage worker: Yes! Yes! I remember now! Out there. Late morning!

Sprig: Great. Now, who buys this string?

Teenage worker: Uh, no one except the baker, really.

Anne: The baker, huh? You have a nice day, sir. (Grabs a bag of donuts and puts a coin on the counter.) Keep the change, kid.

Teenage worker: Actually, you're short.

Anne: Oh, sorry. Sorry.

Anne: All right, same drill. Good cop, bad cop time.

Sprig: Got it.

[store bell rings]

Anne: Well, howdy there, baker. Nice pile of bricks you got here. Listen I wanted to ask you--

Sprig(yells): Where's my shell?

Mr. Flour: [grunts]

Anne: Whoa, dude. What are you doing?

Mr. Flour: [grunts] Shell? What shell?

Sprig: This string was found at the scene of a crime. And only you use it. Talk!

Mr. Flour: [groans] I wrap my buguettes in that.

Anne: So whoever bought a loaf is a suspect.

Mr. Flour(nodding frantically): Uh-huh.

Sprig: [grunts, hits him]

Mr. Flour: Whoa!

Sprig: I want names, you worm.

Mr. Flour: [shudders] Baker's oath. Customer list, confidential.

Sprig: Hmm. (Grabs an apron off the wall, embroidered with the words 'My Favorite Apron'.) Your favorite apron, right? Sure would be a shame if something (holds it over fireplace) happened to it.

Mr. Flour: [gasps] No, not my favorite apron.

Anne: Sprig!

Mr. Flour: [groans] Oh. Here. (Hands over list.)

Sprig: There. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

Mr. Flour(hugging the apron): Oh! My baby! My baby!

Anne: Uh, sorry about that. He's new to this.

Mr. Flour(to the apron): It's okay, baby. Daddy's here.

Sprig: [loud munching]

Anne: So...that was a little too much bad cop.

Sprig: Well, we got results, didn't we?

Anne: Well, yeah. But--

Sprig: Then let's stop wasting time and find who stole my shell already! [sips] Actually, there's nothing in here.

Sprig: [grunts] Was it you, Stumpy?

Sprig: [grunts] Was it you, Croaker?

Mrs. Croaker: [shouts]

Sprig: [grunts] Was it you, Toadstool?

Toadie: Sir, please help me.

Toadstool: Just let it happen, Toadie.

Sprig: [grunts]

Anne: Dude, there's no one here.

Sprig: I know! I'm just fired up, Anne.

[children laugh]

Sprig: You were right. This town is a dirty cesspool of vice. [munches] Disgusting.

Anne: Look, I'm glad you're being more cautious. But I think this whole thing has gotten a little extreme.

Sprig: Justice is extreme, Anne! [pants] Besides, we only have one name left on our list. Which means...we've got our guy.

Anne(reading the name): Gunther? Who's that?

Sprig: He just moved to Wartwood. Lives out in the woods. Seemed nice. A little too nice.

Anne(looking at Gunther's house a few minutes later): Yeah. Sprig, I don't think we should--Sprig!

Sprig(knocking on the door): Gunther, open up!

Anne: Sprig!

Sprig: Come on! Help me break the door down!

Anne: Nope.

Sprig: Yep!

Anne: No! [gags] Bad frog.

[groans, yells, grunts]

(Gunther's door opens.)

Gunther: Oh, can I help you children?

Sprig: We'll be the ones asking questions.

Anne(covering Sprig's mouth): Hey. We're just a couple of curious kiddos knocking on doors and saying hello.

Gunther: Well, isn't that nice?

Anne: Yeah. Just wondering, what brings you here to Wartwood?

Gunther: Well, I'm from down south. But I had to leave due to an unfortunate misunderstanding.

Sprig: Oh. Was it because you're a criminal?

Gunther: Excuse me?

Sprig: Don't play dumb with us! We know that shell's in here somewhere! (Storms into the house.)

Gunther: Shell?

Sprig: Is it here? (Smashes vase.)

Gunther: Hey!

Sprig: Or maybe here? (Smashes carriage clock.)

Gunther: Stop that!

Sprig: Where are you hiding it? (Rips pillow.)

Gunther: Get out of my house! [growls]

Anne: Uh, Sprig, why is he changing color?

Sprig: I don't know. The only frogs who can do that are southern tusk frogs. But Gunther doesn't have any tusks.

Gunther: (Roars and sprouts tusks.)

Sprig: Oh, there they are.

Gunther: [growls]

Sprig: Think we touched a nerve there.

Gunther: I kill you!

Anne: Run!

[growls]

[pants]

[growls]

Sprig: We gotta hide somewhere. Stumpy! Stumpy! Stumpy! Stumpy!

Stumpy: What do you want?

Sprig: We're being chased.

Anne: There's a big monster.

Both: He's gonna kill us!

Stumpy: You think I'm gonna let you in here after you called me a thief?

Anne: Maybe?

(He slams the door.)

[growls]

[roars]

[yells]

Sprig: He's crazy.

Anne: You gotta let us in.

Both: He's gonna kill us.

(Mrs. Croaker slams door too.)

Anne: He's after us.

Sprig: You've gotta help.

Anne: Please let us in.

(Mr. Flour closes window.)

Sprig: Toadie, buddy.

(Toadie kicks them down the stairs.)

[both yell]

[both grunt]

Sprig: Anne, I think I did too much bad cop.

Anne: You think?

[growls]

Sprig: Then maybe it's time this bad cop goes good. (Rips off mustache.) Oh, that really hurts.

Gunther: [growls] Huh?

Sprig: Gunther, wait. I shouldn't have accused you like that.

Gunther: [growls repeatedly]

Sprig: I don't really know you. And you've never given me any reason not to trust you. I guess I just hopped to conclusions.

Gunther: [laughs] Hopped.

Sprig: [chuckles] Yeah. 'Cause I'm a frog. Well, anyways, I wanted you to have these. (Hands over the bag of donuts.)

Gunther: Aw!

Sprig: We ate most of them. But there's, like, three left.

Gunther: [groans] Thank you, child. Rage problems. You know how it is. People misjudge me all the time since I can turn into a hulking beast. And it's super annoying, hmm.

Sprig: Well, hey, I promise I won't judge you anymore.

Anne: Yeah, dude. Sorry about that.

Gunther: Ooh, chocolate. [munches]

Sprig: Actually, that's licorice.

Gunther: [groans] I hate licorice! (He starts chasing them again.)

[growls]

[both yell]

Both: [sighs]

Anne: Man, that guy was hard to lose.

Sprig: I don't believe this. Went through all that and we still haven't found the--[gasps] Shell! (The shell is sitting on the fence. Ivy drops down next to it.)

Ivy: Hey, Sprig.

Sprig: Ivy?

Ivy: I came by earlier, but I couldn't find you. But I did find this sweet blue moon shell.

Sprig: And you... took it?

Ivy: Yeah. It was a little dirty. But I took it home and polished it up. Here's it back.

Sprig: Uh, thanks.

Anne: Go get her.

Sprig: Oh, right. Happy early birthday, Ivy.

Ivy: Whoa. Thanks, Sprig. It's beautiful. But I kinda like it here. When I see it sparkle, I know I'm getting close to your place.

Sprig: [stammers] Wow! [blows raspberry] Okay.

Anne: [gasps] Aw!

Sprig: Cut it out!

Ivy: Well, see you dorks later.

Anne: See you, Ivy! Well, looks like we found our thief.

Sprig: Yes, Anne. But she didn't just steal the shell. She stole my heart.

[sweeping music plays]

[music stops]

Sprig: Too much?

Anne: Little bit, yeah.

Sprig: Got it.