Wax Museum/Transcript

[all] New town! New town! New town!

[gasps] Food. Shops.

This place is so cool.

What should we do first?

Let's see.

Nothing. All we can afford is window-shopping, kids.

[all sigh] Aw.

Man, it's hot.

Better. [all gasp]

Great. Sometimes I forget about the whole "I'm a freak in this world" thing.

[crying]

Whoa, whoa. Don't cry.

I'm not a monster. I'm just weird. See?

-Ta-da! -[all] Ooh.

Mommy, Mommy. Give that freak money.

It was a lovely performance. Here.

Do it again! Do it again!

Milk it.

Ooh.

Amazing. Incredible.

Take my money. All of it.

This is so much better

than that creepy oddities museum.

Oddities museum?

What the heck is an oddity in Amphibia?

Am I right?

[crickets chirping]

Stick to physical comedy. Got it.

[all laughing]

Wow, Anne. You made a bucket of money.

Literally. Whoo-hoo!

Now, how are we gonna spend all of this cay-esh?

Hmm.

Ooh. That oddity place is still open.

How about it?

Well, you made the money.

But only if you keep your hood up.

I don't like you drawing so much attention to yourself.

Deal. Let's do it.

Uh, I think this place is closed.

So let's leave and never come back.

Are you kidding? Come on.

[all shuddering]

[chuckles] Guys,

it's all fake. They're trying to scare you.

Whoa. Look at this hot mess.

It's actually pretty lifelike.

Yeah, it even smells real.

Hands off the merchandise.

[all screaming]

[laughs] The ol' "mistaken for a grotesque lifeless being."

Works every time.

Welcome to my Museum of Oddities.

I go by many names,

but you can call me "The Curator."

Little on the nose, but okay.

And if you chuck some of that cash

into this here sack, I'll give you a tour

of the greatest museum these parts have to offer.

Hmm. What's the matter, honey?

Face too ugly for public? Ha!

Wouldn't you like to know.

Oh. A mystery. I love it.

But enough chitchat. Walk with me.

I've traveled all over Amphibia,

collecting its most rare and frightening creatures.

Like the two-headed love dove.

There's... I dunno,

probably some kinda marriage allegory in there.

Oh, and over here, the bugball playing preying mantis.

Airbug. There's nothing in the rule book

that says a mantis can't play bugball.

I got the weirdest stuff right here. Feel free to look around.

But keep in mind, breathing in the dust will be extra.

[laughs]

[pants]

[gasps] Oh.

[screams]

[groans] Its eyes. They're watching me.

Well, I had enough. Yep, me too.

Anne, this place is freaking us out. We're gonna wait outside.

Okay, cool. See you guys later.

Oh, my gosh.

Is that an old Skipman?

My parents had one of these.

How did they get here?

Hey, Curator. How much is this Skip...

Ah! The Skipman.

It can be yours for a million coppers. [laughs]

Oh. Come on, man. I can't afford that.

Okay, fine. How about we trade for it then?

Got anything rare or vomit-inducing I could display in exchange?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Sweet tadpole Mary.

That's right. I'm the ultimate oddity, baby.

I'll make you a deal.

I'll be your special attraction for one day only.

Say no more, kid. One day of you in exchange for the Skip thing

and everything I know about it. You got a deal.

Seriously? This is hu-yuge. [groans]

You won't be disappointed, dude.

I've already got some pretty elaborate plans

for your exhibit.

Come back tonight after closing time

and we can discuss.

Elaborate, huh?

I like the sound of that. See you later.

The Curator: Looks like we just hit paydirt Frog Soos.

Frog Soos: Doo doo doo. Say Mr.Ponds, do you get the feeling that we exist simultaneously in multiple parallel universes, completely unaware of the other's very existence?

The Curator: You've been licking yourself again Frog Soos?

Frog Soos: (Chuckle) Caught me again Mr.Ponds.

(Frog Soos licked his arm)

[squeals] You guys!

You won't believe what I found in there.

A Skipman.

[all] Uh...

Trust me. It's big.

And that curator guy's gonna give it to me.

All I have to do is be the museum's main attraction for a day.

No!

No! Are you crazy?

Anne, you cannot, by any means, do this.

But th-this is the first time I've found something from my world.

It could explain so much.

I understand that, Anne.

But that curator guy is... Well, just look at him.

[chuckles]

Tell you what, let's sleep on it, come back in the morning,

and see if we can get some answers, okay?

Okay, you're right. I can wait.

Until you fall asleep.

[all snoring]

[screams]

[sighs]

[laughs]

Curator! Yo! Curator!

Oh, there you are. That's not creepy at all.

Welcome, welcome. So glad my little star is here.

And every star needs a stage.

Whoa. Fancy.

So about that Skipman...

Bup, bup, bup. All in good time, kid.

You'll get what's coming to you.

Liking the sound of that.

Say, why don't you stand up there?

Soak it all in.

Whoa. Is this my mark? Should I hit it?

I'm gonna hit it. Wha-bap.

[laughs] That's the stuff.

Now, since you're my main attraction,

I'm gonna let you in on this museum's biggest secret.

You see, truth is nothing's fake.

Everything here is real. Real and frozen in wax.

Just like you.

[grunts, screams]

Ah, yep. Yeeep. This all tracks.

I mean, it's crazy how easy that was.

Honestly, I thought I was being way too obvious about it.

[groans] I can't believe this. I'm so stupid.

Hey, hey. Don't talk about yourself like that.

You're probably a very bright young lady

who's just having a bad day.

Oh, thanks. That's actually a really nice thing to say.

Hey. It's what I'm here for.

So, as you've probably guessed,

you're not just the main attraction tomorrow. You'll be here forever.

[laughs]

[screams]

[snores]

[gags, spits]

Dang it, boy. Wait. Kids, where's Anne?

Oh, no. She went back to the museum.

We got to save her.

Back to the museum? At night?

You know what, I'll stay here and hold down the fort.

[Hop Pop] Oh, no, you don't. Come on.

Stop staring at me.

[laughs] Um, uh, then it hits me.

Artifacts. You can charge people when they break 'em.

[munches] Win-win.

[groans] So boring.

And Newtopia's got a ton of 'em.

That's where I got that, uh, Skip guy you wanted.

Newtopia. Of course.

Say, you want some of this canned meat?

It's edible.

[rumbling] [grunts]

That's what I get for going with a cheap machine.

[grunts]

Okay, boy. Here's the plan.

First, I'll go in with a distraction.

Then you come in behind...

[The Curator] I think I got it. [grunts]

Now we're cooking with gas,

or whatever it is we frogs use.

There's no time. Come on.

[screams] Who are you? A cop?

I ain't going back to frog prison.

Oh, no.

Just a couple of common frogs.

Ooh. I can stick 'em in the same mold.

Call 'em the Two-headed Frog of Froglantis.

-[laughs] It's genius. -[both grunt]

Guys, get out of here!

Save yourselves!

[both screaming] [laughing]

I knew it!

Enjoy being mush, you wax demon.

[growls]

This is worse.

-[both groaning] -[growls]

Looks like the end of the line for you too.

What the...

[growls]

No! My beautiful creations!

Kids, melt the rest of 'em. Quick.

[grunts]

[shrieks]

Whoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo.

Shmebulock!

-[growls] -[shrieks]

Stay back, you filthy animals.

You'll never catch me.

You definitely caught me.

Wait, wait! Hear me out!

I'll cut you all in on the profits.

10%. Okay, 11%. 11.5%.

I'm not coming to 12. So you might as well just...

-[screams] -[growls]

(Red liquid leaking under the door)

The Curator: Calm down, everyone. it's just wax.

Anne. Anne!

Out of the way, kids.

She's frozen.

Take her to go.

[sighs]

I'll never get that Skipman now.

You mean this Skipman?

No way! Dude, you're the best.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh. And the curator said

he got this from Newtopia.

Which means we're on the right track.

You know what else is on the right track?

You keeping a low profile

and not jumping into things without us.

I'm tired of facing my fears, Anne.

I know. I know. I shouldn't have gone off on my own.

It was reckless. And besides, we work better as a team.

[groans] Well, the important thing is, we're all okay.

Except for that curator. He's dead.

Mm-hmm.

Onward family. To Newtopia.

[Anne] Hey, guys. Wanna see something cool?

Did you know that this thing has a laser?

Wha-bam! [screams]