Night Drivers/Transcript

All right, Polly, check this out!

According to this map, if we drive straight through the night,

we'll be home by morning!

[sighs] Say "home" again.

Just think. Home for breakfast.

Mmm! Pillbug pancakes.

Hanging out with Ivy. 'Sup.

Not that it's a big deal. [chuckles]

[loud crash] Huh?

[grunts]

Whoa! Where do you guys think you're going?

We've got a schedule to keep.

Guys, we've been driving nonstop for like 20 hours.

Just a little shut-eye

and we'll be back on the road by morning.

But we're so close!

Yeah! Can't you just power through one more night?

Please, please, please? I wanna sleep in a real bed.

I know how you guys feel, but you're not the ones who have to drive.

Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you two sleep, and we can get us home!

Yeah! Remember how we owned Quarreler's Pass?

[chuckles] Oh, you sweet, sweet, ignorant kids.

Amphibia changes at night.

And not for the better, let me tell you.

The nocturnal leech flies are bad enough,

but I've even heard folks tell of evil spirits wandering these parts.

Real spookums and such!

Haven't seen any myself, of course, but you know, could happen.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Plus, neither of you read Bessie's driving manual!

But... Forget it. You're not driving, and that's final.

Now, if you'll excuse us.

[groans, snoring]

[Polly] This is messed up!

Sure, we're young and made mistakes.

But we've proven we can handle ourselves!

I know, right?

What in the world could be so dangerous out there

that we haven't lived through already?

I've been eaten eight times, Sprig. Eight times.

[whispers] I sort of look forward to it now.

Hey, wait a sec. Hop Pop and Anne are asleep, right?

So asleep they won't even know if we take the reins and drive us home right now!

And when they wake up, they'll be so grateful to be home,

they'll completely forget to be mad at us!

Sprig, you creepy little genius!

You sure they're not gonna wake up though, right?

Absolutely! Those two are out cold.

Huh. Wonder if they'll have any dreams.

[snoring]

[gasps]

Oh, no. It's like all my stresses have physically manifested as hideous monsters!

Or something.

[roaring]

[screams] Looks like that's it for me! [grunts]

Huh?

I'm floatin'. Wait a second. This must be a dream.

And if it's a dream, I can control it!

[laughs] For the first time in my life, I feel free!

Come on, you freaks! Follow me!

- [chittering] - [laughing]

[chuckling]

[snoring]

No stinking way!

[chattering, singing]

Welcome to Yogurtropolis, ma'am. Would you like a free sample from my body?

Uh, sure! You guys got anything without bugs in it?

Bugs? Our yogurt doesn't have any bugs!

Did you say "no bugs"?

That is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. [sniffs]

All right, little yogurt man, what flavors you got? Green tea? Caramel? Hazelnut?

[cackles]

Oh, I'm afraid we only have one flavor here, ma'am.

What? No! No!

Licorice! [evil laugh]

No!

No, no. [laughing]

All right. Let's do this!

Whoo-hoo! [both laughing]

[both screaming, laughing]

Sprig, have I ever told you you're such a great night driver?

Why, thank you, Polly,

but it is you who is the excellent night driver.

[both laughing]

Well, end of the line, Polly.

There's no way we can dodge a couple of li'l pebbles.

[both laughing]

Well, that's a big rock.

[all screaming]

Well, we obviously nailed that. But, uh, should we stop?

Pshaw! No way! That all you got, night driving?

Then, away we go.

Murder! Murder!

[screeches]

[chuckles] Could this place get any creepier? Wait, who's that?

Huh. Hitchhiker. What's, uh, our policy on those?

Just play it cool. Maybe he's friendly.

[clears throat]

Hey there, mister. Like that hat.

Anything we can help you with today?

[screaming] Punch it, Sprig!

Whew! [chuckles] Well, that was close.

Good thing we're way too good at night driving. Preach!

The Foggy Fjords? How foggy could it be?

Oh.

[creature screeches]

What do you think those things even are?

I don't have the foggiest idea.

Sorry, sorry.

Crazy stuff.

Oh, hey, wait a second. I don't see the road anymore.

Polly, are we even going the right way?

Hey, look! There's someone! Maybe we can ask... them.

Oh, my Frog, it's the hitchhiker!

It can't be! Don't make eye contact.

Too late.

A fork in the road!

And he's pointing left!

Ahh! Then go right! Right!

[screaming]

[screaming] [creature roars]

[wind] Sprig. Polly.

[Polly] What the heck is that?

[panting]

Where is the hitchhiker? Did we lose em'?

Definitely. There's no way he could follow us.

[both] Whew!

Hey, did you just get a chill? What?

[screaming]

He's tryin' to steal our wagon! Oh, no, you don't!

That's it! [grunts] Take that, you prevert!

Uh-oh. [screams]

Aagh! I've been hooked!

Polly! Hang on!

Oh, no, the seat. Hop Pop's gonna kill us!

Focus, Sprig!

[screaming]

[warbles]

Polly, you impaled?

Um, no, not yet.

Huh. Me neither.

[gasps] The hitchhiker. He's gone.

Whoa! And not only that, Sprig.

But look where we are... the valley!

We did it! [echoing]

[Sprig] Good thing we stopped when we did. We woulda been goners! [laughs]

Yeah! And it's all 'cause we're the greatest night drivers ever...

- [screams] - What? What is it?

It's the hitchhiker! He's back!

Wait a minute. It's... a statue.

Huh. It says here,

"This monument is dedicated to Zechariah Nettles,

who spent his days guiding travelers away from danger

on their way back home."

Oh, man! Polly, what if that hitchhiker

wasn't trying to hurt us,

he was trying to help us?

He did try to make us take that other path.

And look. There's the path we were on.

And there's the path he wanted us to use. Aww, it looks nice.

Between that, stopping us from driving off this cliff and how he just disappeared,

I don't think there's any way around it.

You tellin' me that hitchhiker was the ghost of ol' Zechariah,

returning from the grave to do us a solid?

Sure seems like it.

[both] Whoa.

What the heck in a handbasket is goin' on out here?

You better not have disobeyed me!

Dang it! Of all the irresponsible, inconsiderate, juvenile...

Wait, HP. Look at them.

[together] A ghost, a ghost, a ghost with the most!

Without Mr. Nettles, we'd surely be deadles!

Pfft! [laughs]

[snoring]

I don't know what happened last night,

but it looks like they've already learned their lesson.

[sighs] All right, all right. I'll let this one slide.

[both snoring] [squeaks]

Say, Anne, did you have any weird dreams last night?

I thought you'd never ask! It was horrible, Hop Pop. Horrible!

Okay, so I was in this town full of yogurt, right...

I was a god in my dream!