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This is a transcribed copy of The Ballad of Hopediah Plantar.
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Fort in the Road" Next: "Anne Hunter"
Template:Hop Pop
Speaker Dialogue
(The episode begins with the Plantars traveling in the fwagon through a deserted place. Sprig is playing a fiddle. Anne is watching her cell phone.)
Anne (scatting) Huh. I don't remember taking this picture of Toad Tower.
Polly (on top of Hop Pop's head) Oh, that was me. Wanted a little reminder of how we messed those toads up! (pulling on Hop Pop's eyelids)
Hop Pop Heh, sure did!
Sprig (grabs his fiddle) You know, I've actually been working on a songbased on the battle.
Hop Pop Oh! Am I in it?
Sprig Maybe. (clears throat)
Hop Pop (gasps, giggles, lies down in the seat with Anne and Polly) I'm in it.
Sprig ♪ There was a little frog who stood for revolution. The toads didn't like that, so they tried to execute him. But thankfully, our Anne stepped up to take the tower. And she saved Hop Pop, who... ♪
Hop Pop (gasps)
Sprig ♪ Mostly hid and cowered. And cowered and cowered and cowered and cowered and cowered and cowered and cowered and cowered ♪
Hop Pop All right, that's enough!
Anne & Polly Whoo‐hoo!
Anne Wow! Great song, dude!
Polly Yeah, that was awesome!
Hop Pop What? Awesome? It was missing all the context! Like what about the time I courageously ran for mayor? Or that time I stood up to those nasty tax collectors?
Anne & Polly Eh. Boring.
Sprig Audiences want clear stakes, Hop Pop. And action.
Anne & Polly Act‐ion!
Hop Pop (sighs) Feels like just yesterday people thought I was a revolutionary hero. Whoop. Heads up, gang!
(Hop Pop points to a sign at the entrance to a town called Wartwood.)
Hop Pop Looks like we're about to stop at our first town.
Anne My first town outside of Wartwood. I wonder what it'll be like. Will the frogs be friendly? Will they have a bathroom?
Hop Pop Don't get too excited, Anne. It's just your average small town. Anne Pssh, how small can it be‐‐
Anne (gasps) Wow!
(Anne and Sprig come down from the fwagon to see the town.)
Anne Oh, my gosh. It's literally a small town.
Frog Yeehaw!
Anne Just look at the "wittle" buildings.
(Anne takes the roof off a building and sees the little frogs inside.)
Bitties (gasp)
Anne Uh, yeehaw.
Bitties Yeehaw!
Anne (chuckles)
Hop Pop (feeding Bessie) There you are, girl.
Bitties (gasping)
Hop Pop What's all the ruckus?
(The scene passes a group of bitties looking scared at someone in front of them.)
Frog #2 B‐but, please. Just listen‐‐
(The frog gets kicked.)
Frog #2 (screams)
Anne Ooh. (catches the frog) I gotcha.
Judro (to the group of bitties) All right. Y'all know the rules. Pay me, and no one gets hurt. (passing his hand through the bitties and receiving a coin from each) That's right, pay up, keep it coming.
Frog #3 Sorry, Mr. Judro, sir, but I need the money for my boy Bailey.
(The frog shows his son, who is about to cry.)
Frog #3 He's been very sick and, uh‐‐
Bailey (coughs)
Frog #3 Oh, son.
(Judro grabs the master tightly in his hand.)
Bailey Papa!
Judro I don't want your excuses. (shaking the frog and making his coins fall) I want your money. (laughs)
Bitties (gasp)
Anne Those poor bitties.
Sprig Someone should do something!
Hop Pop Hmm. Yes, somebody should. Sprig, get that fiddle ready. You might have a song to write. Hyup! (walks around holding up his pants)
Sprig Ready and willing.
Judro Huh?
Hop Pop Hey there, uh, feller. Who do you think you are, pushing good people around?
Judro I'm Judro Hasselback, and this here's my town. Who in the heck are you?
Hop Pop Name's Hopediah Plantar, the frog that's gonna teach you (distends his vocal sack and pushes Judro, who falls to the ground) some manners!
Judro (grunts, stands up) Hey, you better‐‐ (is pushed by Hop Pop again, grunts) Stop! (is pushed by Hop Pop again) What in the‐‐ (grunts, falls to the ground) Oof! You'll pay for this! (crawls away)
Hop Pop Nobody's paying you anything anymore.
Bailey You saved us, mister.
Hop Pop Huh?
Bailey Three cheers for Hopediah Plantar.
Bitties (all together they raise Hop Pop) Hip, hip, hooray! (can't take the weight of Hop Pop and he falls on them) Yay!
Anne Wow, Hop Pop. Nice work.
Sprig Go, Hop Pop.
Hop Pop Why, that was nothing. Judro's just a big blowhard. Not like those tax toads I stood up to.
Bitties (gasp)
Frog #4 You stood up to toads?
Bailey Tell us the story. Please? Please?
Hop Pop Aw, sweetie, there's not much to tell.
(Three hours later, Hop Pop is still telling the story to the bitties.)
Hop Pop And then I lifted not one, not two, but three toads over my head and threw them off Toad Tower.
Bitties (gasp, cheer)
Polly Threw three toads? I don't remember that.
Sprig (whispering) That's because it didn't happen.
Anne Oh, let him have this. He's just juicing up the details a bit. In my world, we call this marketing.
Hop Pop And so, using my frog‐given natural strength, I kicked the side of Toad Tower, and it exploded.
Bitties (cheer)
Bailey Hooray for Hopediah Plantar, here to protect us from the ruthless Hasselback Gang.
Hop Pop I'm sorry, Bailey, did you say "gang"?
Judro Hopediah Plantar!
(Hop Pop turns around and sees Judro and his gang, the bitties hide behind him.)
Hop Pop (gasps)
Judro Whoo‐whee! You done asked for it, so here it comes. This here's the Hasselback Gang. My brother Heathro.
Heathro (snorts)
Judro Half sister Ruth. Uncle Talbert. And of course, the matriarch herself, Mama Hasselback!
(Mama Hasselback hits her roller on the ground.)
Bitties (all gasp)
Mamma Hasselback You the frog who dare throw my Judro outta town?
Hop Pop (chuckles) Well‐‐
Bailey Yep. And he's gonna run you outta town too. Right, Hopediah?
Bitties Hop Pop! You show 'em, Hopediah! Go get 'em, Hopediah!
Mama Hasselback (laughs) Now this I gotta see. (sits)
Hop Pop Um, uh, you're‐‐ You're gonna regret this.
(Hop Pop tries to move Mama Hasselback with effort but fails. Hop Pop is exhausted.)
Hop Pop (panting) Think I almost got her.
(Mama Hasselback hits Hop Pop in the head with her roller.)
Hop Pop (grunts)
Bitties (gasp)
Polly Back off.
Anne Stay away from him!
Anne, Polly & Sprig (shouting)
(They head for Hop Pop, but Judro ties them up with his tongue, then the Hasselback gang put them in barrels from which they cannot free themselves.)
Anne, Polly & Sprig (grunt)
Anne Aw, man. This is just like middle school.
Polly Not much different from my bucket, really.
Mama Hasselback (laughs) Looks like you folks chose the wrong frog. (lifts Hop Pop by one leg) Or should I say "fraud"?
Hop Pop (grunting)
Hasselback Gang (laughing)
Mama Hasselback Word of advice, folks‐‐ Don't believe everything you're told about heroes. After all, they don't exist.
Bailet Is it true, Hopediah? Are heroes a lie?
Hop Pop (sighs) It's true, Bailey. It's true!
Mama Hasselback Now get lost!
(The Hasselback gang rolls the barrels that Anny, Sprig and Polly are in out of town.)
Anne Whoa! Whoa!
Mama Hasselback And take your garbage with ya.
Hasselback Gang (laughing)
(Hop Pop leaves town with Bessie, rolling the barrels that Anne, Sprig and Polly are in.)
(Some time later, the Plantars and Anne are in the fwagon, they're quiet. Sprig grabs his fiddle.)
Sprig (inhales)
(Hop takes away Sprig's fiddle.)
Hop Pop Aaah! (destroys the banjo) (panting, sighs) Not proud of what happened back there, kids. Sprig was right. No one's ever gonna write a song about this old coward.
Sprig Now that you smashed my fiddle‐‐
Anne Pssh, Hop Pop, you're not a coward.
Hop Pop Ow.
Anne And who cares about some dumb old song? Being a hero isn't about songs and glory anyways. It's about doing the right thing.
(Hop Pop thinks for a second and suddenly stops the fwagon.)
Bessie (screeches)
Anne, Sprig & Polly (yelp)
(Sprig falls down.)
Hop Pop My frog, Anne. You're right. This whole timem I was so focused on getting a song that I lost track of what really matters. Heroes are supposed to help those in need, and I was only trying to help myself. Well, that changes now. We're going back!
Sprig What?
Polly Are you crazy?
Anne Good call, HP. What's the plan?
Hop Pop Well, it goes a little bit like this, you see...
All (whispering indistinctly)
Polly (loud) Why are we whispering?
(Later, in the town, the Hasselback gang is sitting in the middle of the street. Some bitties are massaging Mama Hasselback's feet.)
Mama Hasselback Keep it up, Bitties. That's good. Just keep working on Mama's toes.
(Bailey's father is carrying a bag of coins to a pile of coins.)
Frog Looks like no birthday gifts this year, kids.
Bailey Don't worry, Papa. We'll always have the gift of music. (inhales)
Judro (taking away Bailey's flute) Yoink! (puts the flute in his mouth and breaks it) A‐whoops.
Bailey You know, I'm actually pretty numb at this point.
Mama Hasselback Serves you little runts right. If you thought things were bad before, just wait and see what we've got planned for you‐‐ What the...
(Hop Pop is in front of them wearing a hat and playing a harmonica.)
Hop Pop Ma'am.
Mama Hasselback Well, look who decided to show his frauddy old face again. Ya back for more punishment?
Hop Pop I'm back to do what's right. Stand up to bullies like you.
(They both stare at each other.)
Mama Hasselback Get him!
(Judro goes to Hop Pop screaming, Hop Pop sticks out his tongue and seems to give him a blow that makes Judro fall to the ground.)
Judro (grunts)
Bitties (all gasp)
(Mama Hasselback sends Heathro and Talbert to Hop Pop.)
(Hop Hop throws another punch with his tongue which leaves Talbert on the ground.)
Talbert His tongue feels like iron.
(Heathro goes for Hop Pop, Hop Pop throws his tongue, and this time it looks like a stone falls on Heathro just as the tongue passes near him, which makes it look like Hop Pop was the one who hit him.)
Heathro (grunts)
Hop Pop (laughs)
(Then Anne, Sprig and Polly are seen standing on a high place near the town, they are using a slingshot to throw stones and help Hop Pop.)
Anne Two degrees left. Load me up.
(They throw another rock and knock down another frog.)
Bailey Go, Hopediah! He's doing it! (cheering)
Mama Hasselback (grunting) Huh?
(Mama Hasselback sees a flash of light, coming from the place where Sprig, Polly and Anne are, then she finds out the Plantar's plan.)
Mama Hasselback (laughs) So that's the game, is it?
Hop Pop End of the line, Mama.
(Hop Pop throws his tongue, while Sprig throws a stone, Mama Hasellback dodges Hop Pop's tongue and catches the stone.)
Mama Hasselback Ha!
(Mama Hasselback throws the stone and it hits Sprig, who falls off and some cactus falls on him.)
Anne The jig is up!
Polly Run, Hop Pop!
Hop Pop Uh‐oh.
(The frogs get up off the ground.)
Frogs (grunt)
Hop Pop Well, I best be gone. Toodles!
(He starts to run away, but then he sees the faces of the Bitties. He stops and remembers what Anne told him)
Anne Being a hero isn't about songs and glory anyways. (echoes) It's about doing the right thing.
Hop Pop (groans) (turns with effort towards the Hasselback gang) You know what, Mama? I'm through running. When you see someone that can't fight for themselves, it's your job to fight for them! Standing up to bullies like you is the right thing to‐‐ (is beaten by Mama Hasellback with her tongue) (groaning)
Bailey (gasps)
Mamam Hasselback (laughs)
Hop Pop (groaning, goes down defeated)
Bailey Mr. Plantar!
Hop Pop (panting)
Bailey No!
Hop Pop Don't cry for me, Bailey. I don't feel a thing. Bleh.
Bailey (crying) No! No! No! (grunting, growls)
Mama Hasselback (laughing)
Judro Uh, Mama?
Bitties (growls)
Judro They're changing.
Mama Hasselback What?
(The bitties change, showing sharp teeth and red eyes.)
Bitties (all growling)
Mama Hasselback Huh. What the... Now you listen here, Bitties‐‐
Bitties (all shout)
(The Bitties rush at them.)
Heathro (screaming) My face! (falls on a building)
Anne Aaah!
Polly Whoa, mama.
Anne Hop Pop, we gotta go. The bitties are going nuts.
Hop Pop Well, I guess after years of abuse, even the most timid of frogs might get a little‐‐ Whoa! My goodness!
(He sees Mama Hasellback with a bunch of bitties on her.)
Bitties (screeching)
Bailey (growls) (changes to normal) Hi, Mr. Plantar.
Hop Pop Bailey? You frogs are fighting back?
Bailey Yep! All because of what you said.
Hop Pop You mean about how standing up to bullies is the right thing to do?
Bailey Uh... no. The part about how when someone can't fight for themselves, you need to fight for them. You clearly can't fight for yourself. Here's a tooth, by the way. (changes) Yaah! (leaves)
Bitties Yaah! (shouting)
(They see buildings on fire.)
Hop Pop Time to get going.
(They leave the place in a hurry.)
Sprig (playing his fiddle) ♪ Oh, Hop Pop stood his ground ♪ ♪ In hopes he'd save the day ♪ ♪ But then the townsfolk ♪ ♪ Went berserk ♪ ♪ And so he ran away ♪
(whip lashes)
Bessie (whinnies)
(It is seen that somewhere in the desert the robot seen in Handy Anne is walking.)
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